What does “forgiving” mean? How do we know if we have really forgiven someone? Some say to forgive is to forget the offense against us. But is this really the case?

The verse which many people rely on to define forgiveness is Jeremiah 31:34, which is repeated in Hebrews 8.12 and Hebrews 10:17. The portion people quote is : “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more” (NIV). They state that true forgiveness is to forget the offense committed.

But if we study the original definition of the word “remember”, we find a different conclusion. In Hebrew, the word used here is “zakar”” which means to remember, to bring back to memory. Another definition is “to mention it again”. Since God knows everything, can we really believe that He can forget something? It might be more accurate to say that God forgives our sin and He chooses not to mention it anymore. He won’t bring back our past offenses in future conversations.

This is the model we should emulate to forgive those who hurt us. To forgive is to put the offense in the hands of Jesus, and choose not to talk about it anymore. In fact, if we give the offense to Jesus, it doesn’t belong to us anymore, so we have no reason to talk about it. When we tell everyone what has been done to us, it means that we haven’t forgiven yet.

Sometimes we talk about the offense to justify ourselves, especially when the offense is a lie that was told about us. Sometimes we talk about the offense to attract the sympathy of people, or simply to take revenge on the oppressor. But it is Christ who justifies us, we do not need the sympathy of people when Christ is for us, and vengeance is the Lord’s. So we have no reason to talk again and again about these faults and not forgive. God, Himself, doesn’t do that to us.

Moreover, when we recall over and over the offenses committed against us, we are confirming our position of a victim. God want us to be more than conquerors, not to remain a victim.

Not talking about it doesn’t mean to forget all about it. Forgetting can even be irresponsible. Take the example of a young woman who was raped. If she decides to forget (if she can) but keeps spending time doing the same activities with the one that raped her, she is not very smart. As difficult as they are, we must learn from our trials.

Forgiveness is the first step toward healing. Let God deal with the person who hurt you. Let Him choose how He will reprimand that person, and avenge you. For you, receive your healing and move on.

(Note : Some wounds are so deep that professional help is needed to forgive completely. To talk about what happened may be necessary in some cases, but it doesn’t mean you should talk about it to everyone. Choose a professional who will help you the right way and discreetly.)