Many single Christians say “I can’t wait to receive the husband (or wife) God has for me”. Others will encourage singles by saying: “He (she) is coming, God is preparing you a good one.” These are nice words, that look very spiritual, but aren’t they completely selfish?
It’s true that God knows everyone, and He knows what type of people we will get along with. In His great love, He multiplies the opportunities for us to meet those people. Some will become good friends, other mentors, and others: a husband or wife. However the idea that God will give “me” a husband or wife is pretty selfish when we think about it. It’s like if this special being will just be an add-on to “our” little life.
In the same thought, some people will make a list of criteria that this special person should have, and the list can be long! When we make a list of what “we” want in the other person, it’s quite a selfish point of view. “This is what I want…” It’s good to know what we like in life, but marriage is not a matter of “receiving”, it’s all about “giving”.
We should not get married, or not even think about marriage, as a way to satisfy our own desires. Such an attitude is poisonous to a relationship. Our goal in marriage is to make the other person happy. We will be serving each other, forever. We will practice the biblical principle (and the physical one too) of sowing and reaping. Like what Luke 6.38 (NIV) recommends: “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”
So, will God give us a husband or wife? Or rather we should say: “Who will God ask me to serve for the rest of my life?” Yes, it’s not as romantic, but it’s more biblical.
Instead of making a list of criteria that our future husband or wife should have, we should make a list of what “we” have to offer. Go ahead, try it! Prepare another list with what kind of partner you are ready to serve for the rest of your life. You will see, your lists of what you can give, and who you will serve, will be very different than the list of criteria you made about the person you want to receive. You may find several things you need to improve in your own life, to become a better potential partner.
It’s just a question of having the right focus. What is your main desire for being in a couple? Do you want to be served, or do you want to serve?