Some people say that they are waiting on God to present them their husband or wife to be. They use this as a very spiritual attitude to explain why they are still single. But often this attitude hides little monsters that should be taken down!

Sometimes we believe in God, we place our trust in Him, but not for the right reasons. For example a few years ago, I had a big toothache. I asked people to pray for me, but I did not go see a dentist. Morning and evening I confessed my healing. But the real reason why I clung to my faith, was because I was scared of dentists! God did not miraculously heal my teeth that time because I believe He preferred that I was delivered from that fear. He does not want his children to live in fear.

Many people share this same kind of testimony. They say they have faith to be healed and do not consult a physician because in reality they are afraid of doctors or what the doctors might tell them. It’s good to have faith, but we shouldn’t use our faith to hide our fears. Several singles, that my husband and I met also hid behind their faith to not face their fears.

One of the greatest fears: fear of choosing the wrong person.

One young woman was a prominent leader in her church. She had seen so many young women around her make bad choices regarding relationships, that she decided not to look for one. She really wanted to get married, but she was afraid of choosing poorly. So she was the first to encourage other singles to “wait for the Lord” and wait, and that’s all she did. If a man did approach her, she was quick to find faults in him and disqualified him. As soon as she felt her heart beat faster, she didn’t trust it and retreated stating she had got the sign from God she had asked for. Her approach looked really spiritual, but in fact, she needed to be delivered from this fear.

To be delivered from the fear of making a mistake, we must understand that there is not a perfect partner (except Christ) and that we cannot control other people’s lives. Even if we choose a good Christian today, it is possible that they will turn away from God during a time of trouble after the wedding. This is why we should not marry (or even seek a partner) according to their church status, or title. We must look at the heart, and be willing to serve each other, no matter the season of their life.

Obviously, we need to choose a partner that shows a close relationship with Christ, we should discern a genuine love for God in them before we commit our lives. It is always prudent to seek advice from a spiritual authority about our partner, but even then, we can never be 100% certain of our choice. Marriage is an act of faith. A perfect partner does not exist. It’s not because they might make mistakes that you will have made a mistake in choosing them! You will need to work together, mutually supporting each other in your weakness.

Knowing this, we must renounce the fear of choosing the wrong person. Yes, we take precautions, but falling in love is stepping into the unknown. Do not live in fear, and above all, do not use your faith to hide that fear.

Next week we’ll talk about another hidden fear.