Some Christians say that they are waiting for God to find them a partner. Indeed, we must depend on God for our relationships, but sometimes these beautiful words hide multiple fears. Those of making a bad choice, or the fear of being rejected.

Here is a very common scenario: a child goes in front of a large audience for their piano recital. Nervous, they make several mistakes, and then flee the scene ashamed, without finishing the song. The next year, they don’t want to take piano lessons anymore. This isn’t because they do not like playing the piano, but because they no longer want to live through another potentially humiliating recital.

We’ve all experienced humiliating experiences, and of course, we try to do everything we can to avoid them. When we risk giving our hearts to someone else, we also take the risk of being rejected and being humiliated. For some singles, often the ones that have already been injured from previous relationships. The fear of being rejected again becomes too great for them to embark on an adventure with someone new.

To avoid being rejected again, some Christians will demonstrate great faith and great boldness for the Word. They attach themselves to God with all their might because they know that God will never reject them. However they can become “too spiritual” and thus become inaccessible to “ordinary Christians”. By clinging with all their strength to Him who will not reject them, they walk as far away as possible from those who might reject them, their Christian siblings. Now although God loves and cherishes all the times we cling to His neck, He does not want us to avoid fellowship. Our future partner is down here on Earth.

We can also discern people’s fear in the way they speak about their future life partner. Christians who are afraid of being rejected talk a lot about marriage and not much about dating. They hope that this almost perfect person will wait at the altar, without having to go through the period of courtship. It is during a courtship that we get to know each other, where expectations grow, but also, the risk of rejection is at it’s greatest.

To be delivered from the fear of being rejected, we must first be healed of the injuries from our past relationships. God is an expert in repairing our past, and He does this by helping us forgive. By forgiving those who hurt us, and humiliated us, we give ourselves the chance to start trusting again. To be delivered from the fear of rejection, we must also learn to be less dramatic and be self-forgiving. If the piano student that made mistakes during their recital is lenient and self-forgiving about not being perfect, the next recital won’t be as traumatic. It’s the same for relationships that didn’t end well. If we accept that both parties are imperfect, or even laugh about ourselves, we won’t be as traumatized about our relationship mistakes.

God loves us, but as a good parent, He does not want us to isolate ourselves in His presence. He wants us to be healed and have good emotional health. He will be with us in all the small steps we do to open our hearts to a future partner.