It’s not easy to find someone. We must face all kinds of fears: fear of choosing the wrong partner, fear of being rejected, fear of intimacy and the fear of commitment. Unfortunately, some Christians use “God” to hide these fears.
We’ve all heard the stories about married men who are experiencing difficulties at home, so they start spending all their time at work. They avoid facing their family problems by submerging themselves in professional projects. The same thing sometimes happens to Christian singles. For some, the idea of committing to and living with a partner for forever is so frightening that they spend all their energy participating in various ministries from the church. If it seems obvious that the married man must slow down and face his fears, so must the singles. On the other hand, it’s tough to criticize a devoted single person since they do a good job and are in demand!
Again, there is nothing wrong with serving God wholeheartedly. No problem with focusing on God alone and not having time for dating. Even the apostle Paul preferred that singles remained so to give themselves completely to God. The problem is when singles use their devotion to ministries so that they can hide their fear of commitment.
The fear of commitment is not necessarily selfish. It isn’t that a person doesn’t want to be “tied” to another for the rest of their life. For some, it’s the fear of not being able to fulfill this commitment for their entire life. After experiencing the divorce of their parents, or failing at school or another type of project, it’s common to be afraid of such a big commitment.
This fear is a natural consequence of our failure, but it doesn’t have to stay in our lives. You can not be delivered from this fear by doing hundreds of good works for Christ. Salvation is a free gift that Christ paid on the cross with His blood. We need to stop, take a sincere time with God, admit our fears to God, and let Him deliver us through forgiveness and developing our trust in Him.
In short, there is nothing wrong with being extremely busy at the church. However if it prevents you from investing in a long-term relationship, it would be a good thing to look for the real reason for your zeal. God desires our service, but He also wants us to be free from all fears.
It’s easy to use all kinds of “spiritual” reasons for our singleness. But are those reasons legitimate, or do we use them to hide our fears? Let’s be honest, and let’s be free.
To read all the other articles in this series:
Fear of making a wrong choice of partner (1⁄4)
Fear of rejection (2⁄4)
Fear of intimacy (3⁄4)
Fear of commitment (4⁄4)