When people ask us for help in finding someone special, one of the first questions we ask them is: Why do you think you are still single? This post is going to address the answer of “I keep people out”.

There are different analogies that people use to describe a defensive and sometimes aggressive attitude with people. Some describe a high wall, some describe a moat, and some people describe it as armor. I was one of the people that wore their armor for so long that it felt like a second skin. When my wife and I started dating, I quickly figured out that I would not be able to let her in with my armor intact. God showed me very plainly that I needed to get rid of the armor if I wanted to develop a relationship with her. I also needed to get rid of my armor to get closer to God.

I said the same thing everyone tells me: But it’s so difficult! Yes, it is, I will never deny that, but life is so much freer without it. You know when you have those days where you don’t want to get out of bed and life is difficult. Your armor is what keeps you in bed, it’s the weight on your shoulders that slows you down. Once it’s gone and you wake up feeling like you don’t want to get up, you actually can get out of bed. I will never say it’s easy but life is lighter. The thing to remember is that it is not impossible to fall in love with high walls and armor, it’s just that the chances of it happening get smaller and smaller. Relationships are built on trust, something that has to be a two-way street. If you are not able to trust someone else, they won’t be able to fully trust you.

“But then I won’t have any protection left! I will be vulnerable.” That is true as well, you will need to be smarter about the choices you make and the people that are in your life. The ones that you choose to have in your life will be ones you don’t need your armor with, and that will allow you to build a meaningful connection with them. With the armor you will always have something in between you. So the choice belongs to you. I am sure that you have been living with your armor or your walls long enough to know what life is like with them. Have you forgotten what life is like without them? The first step is to make a decision to drop the armor and get closer to God. He will be your protection.

In the end, God will not force you to change and He will continue to love you. Take a look at your life, it’s never too late to free yourself.