“When I want to be intimate, how far can I go before it’s considered a sin?” We are asked this question often from single Christians or Christians that just started dating. However is this the right question to ask?
There is nothing more tempting than something prohibited. The apostle Paul noted this in Romans 7.8 (NIV): “But sin, seizing the opportunity afforded by the commandment, produced in me every kind of coveting. For apart from the law, sin was dead.” Our carnal nature is no different than the one Adam and Eve had. In Genesis 3 Eve in the Garden of Eden was tempted to eat the fruit found on the one tree forbidden by God. There could have been thousands of fruit trees in Paradise, but only one was forbidden to eat. It’s this tree that the snake brought to Eve’s attention.
The snake doesn’t need to invent a new tactic to make us fall: his old tactics still work very well today. When we’re dating, or thinking about dating, everything that relates to intimacy and sexuality becomes very attractive. This is the only thing that God reserved for married couples, the only thing that is prohibited for those who aren’t married. And the forbidden tree is, oh so enticing!
How can we resist the snake’s suggestions? By feasting on the OTHER trees! Instead of staying focused on the forbidden tree and trying to resist it, let’s turn to the other trees! In a relationship, there are many activities you can do outside of your bedroom!
Take a class that matches your mutual interests. Try new restaurants, go to the movies or museums. Participate in activities at your local church, volunteer in your community, organize board games nights with your friends or visit your families. Sit on a park bench (you can cuddle if you want), read a Christian book about dating or about the power of God. Take a road trip and talk about your life experiences and your future dreams. This list could stretch on and on. There are thousands of trees in the paradise of dating!
Before you’re in a relationship prepare a list of activities so that you aren’t empty handed when you meet your loved one. These will often be activities that you already love to do. Or something you might want to consider doing right now, instead of being alone in your basement!
While dating, you have to be careful not to neglect your family (after all, they might be paying for your eventual wedding!) or your friends. It’s especially important to not neglect your intimate time alone with God. Also, it’s good to keep an evening for yourself to recharge your batteries, develop creativity, or to do some sports. So if we remove the evenings that you will take with your family, your friends, God and yourself… there isn’t that much time left to spend with a loved one. When you start dating, it’s important to not make the mistake of seeing each other every day. You need to keep a balance; this is what makes your dates more precious. With that, your list of activities to do as a couple, or your “other trees”, doesn’t need to be long (unless you are planning on dating for a long time before the wedding). Think about those activities before you get into a relationship, that way you’ll be better prepared when you are in one.