So you’re single with no one in sight. Great! This is the perfect time for you to start building your marriage!

We marry for love, but we stay married by choice. Getting married is wanting to build a family together (with or without children). It’s wanting to serve the Lord together, to become a strong pillar in our society, and develop projects with others that will leave a positive mark on our generation and the next.

No one should get married in order to be served by the other, or to fill a void, or to meet another egocentric need. That is the perfect recipe for marital failure. God wants couples to support each other, build each other up and constantly put themselves in the position to serve the other (Ephesians 5).

Remember we cannot change the other person. God asks us to support each other, forgive and edify one another, and the list goes on… but it never says that we should try to change the other person. This only creates conflict. We can suggest some improvements to our spouse, we can tell them what hurts or irritates us (when the moment is right), but ultimately we can’t force the other to change. The only person you can control in this way is yourself.

Knowing this, we quickly see the important part we have in creating an ideal marriage. And this part we can start working on well before meeting our life partner.

Imagine for a minute that you are married….

• What would the ideal financial situation for your couple be? Not in debt? Then set yourself free from debt right now.
• Living a comfortable retirement? Then start saving for it right away, even if you’re single.
• What does your health look like? Are you already in a healthy state? What can you do to make sure you stand in front of the altar with this ideal shape? (Not perfect, but ideal…)
• What spiritual habits are ideal for your marriage? Does it look like your current habits, or do you need to make some adjustments right away? Do you imagine yourself serving in a church together? Then start serving now while you are single! You may change your ministry once you are married, but you will be accustomed to serving others.
• What does your routine look like? What hobbies would you share? Your children might act like you. Is that a good thing or would you like them to not have your bad habits? If so, change this bad habit right now. If you improve these aspects right away, not only will your future partner benefit from them, but you will also benefit from them now!

The best way to build your marriage is starting with yourself, and for that, there is no need to wait for a ring on your finger. “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’ Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.” (Luke 14.28-32 NIV)

Before you embark on the adventure of marriage, see if you have what it takes to build a great life with someone else. Luke 14.28-32 says that planning is closely linked to success. “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (Proverbs 14.1 NIV). Be wise, plan ahead.