She’s very pretty and on fire for God. He’s cute and his gentleness makes your heart beat faster. What do you do? How do you approach a person of the opposite sex in church without revealing too much?
There are several advantages of choosing a life partner from your local church. You probably share the same faith and the same doctrines, you have common spiritual authorities who can look after you, and you probably have mutual friends. You also have the opportunity to see each other grow spiritually and serve in a ministry.
But this way also has downsides. If the person doesn’t have an interest in you, you will continue seeing them every week, which will not be easy for your heart. If you start dating them and it doesn’t work out, you may need to explain what happened to all your friends and spiritual authorities, that may have been dreaming about attending your wedding.
With all these disadvantages, approaching a lovely person in the church can be quite intimidating. So what to do?
1-Do not wait!
When our heart starts beating a little faster our thoughts start to fly. Our imagination takes us into a dream that is far from reality. If we have these thoughts for too long, it will be much harder to approach that person. It will build up so much importance in our minds, that we will feel increasingly intimidated.
Moreover, if we let our imagination create an idyllic image in our head, when we get the chance to know the real person, we risk being disappointed. Reality is never as perfect as our dreams. This is entirely unfair to the person in question.
Finally, if we wait too long, we risk the fact that this person might meet someone else! So do not wait too long.
2-Change your intentions
Is your heart racing? Slow down immediately. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4.23 NIV) “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” (Song of Songs 8.4 NIV) Remember that you are going to approach someone to get to know them better, not to propose to them!
3-Being discreet by being open
If you are the type of woman who never speaks to any man in the church, your intentions will be difficult to hide when you suddenly start talking to one! The solution to this problem is simple: talk to all the guys! Remember we are not suggesting to flirt with all the guys! As a sister who has a very large family, talk to your brothers about what is happening in the church, the weather, or everything and nothing. At least say “hello”. Then when you are speaking with a charming young man, you will not look weird. (This applies to guys too!)
Remember to change your intentions. This way you can approach this special person as a member of your spiritual family. “All the brothers and sisters here send you greetings. Greet one another with a holy kiss.” (1 Corinthians 16.20 NIV)
4-A group invitation
Plan a group activity: an evening of board games, a bike ride, etc. The idea here is to invite many people, at least a dozen. Then you go see this charming person (to whom you said “hello” to a few times - just like the others) and you invite them to join your group for this activity. “My friends and I are going out to eat after the meeting, do you want to come with your friends too?” Not only will you keep them out of the spotlight, but they will have at least one friend there. The whole adventure will feel less daunting.
And ta-dah! You have your first date with that special person! Surrounded by your friends and theirs, you can get to know them. If you are no longer interested in them, then you had a good time with brothers and sisters. Something you don’t need to repeat with them if you don’t want to. However, if a flame is lit, repeat the experience few times, until you’re ready to take the next step! But that’s a subject for another post…