It’s the clichéd American dream: finish school, get married, buy a house, have children then finally get a puppy. In that order. However, this way of life is rarely feasible. Should we really plan our big life transitions in that order?

• Finish school before or after the wedding?

Everything is possible. You may very well end your education after your wedding, or even go back to school to change careers. But it will be much harder once you are married. As a couple, you will have other priorities, other dreams. The first years of marriage are rather difficult; add some professional and financial instability, and it will add fuel to the fire.

To make life easier after your wedding, choose your profession while you are still single. The type of job that makes you happy, that makes you want to get up in the morning to go to work. If you are fulfilled professionally, you will be smiling more often and hence more attractive. It’s not a salary issue, but a matter of passion.

Finish school before or after the wedding? BEFORE ideally.

• Buy a house before or after the wedding?

Since people are getting married later in life, it’s not uncommon for a single person to be financially comfortable enough to buy property. Renting an apartment is good, maybe less expensive than buying a property, but in the end, all the money given to rent is lost. When the property belongs to us, we pay our mortgage slowly, but that money is an investment because we will recover it when we sell the property. It is wise, when possible, to opt for the purchase of a property.

If you buy a property while you are single, you can use it as a financial cushion. You could sell it when you get married, and use that money to invest in your marriage. Or, you can keep this property and welcome your partner in. Consult the marriage laws of your country or region to see if your property remains yours after marriage or if you need to sign an additional contract at your wedding to keep it this way.

Several Christian families argue that children should live with their parents until their wedding day regardless of age. Indeed, it was a tradition in Biblical times, but in those times, the tradition was to arrange marriages. Ephesians 5.31 (NIV) repeats what God says in Genesis: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” The man must indeed leave his parents before marriage, but there is no mention of time in this verse. He could very well leave his parents and then get married 10-15 years later. This argument is more of a tradition than a Biblical commandment.

Buying a property: before or after the wedding? If you have the means do it before, but it is not a requirement.

• Having children before or after the wedding?

In this case, the Bible is clear : we must be married before having children. In fact, you have to be married to have sex. Whenever the Bible speaks of sex outside of marriage is to condemn it. The only time God speaks of “becoming one flesh”, in an acceptable way, is in the context of marriage, a lifelong commitment. Besides, when it comes to a young unmarried woman in the Bible, we often read the term “virgin”. This clearly indicates what her status was at her wedding!

Fine, we cannot “make” a child before marriage, but can we adopt one? There is nothing in the Bible that indicates that a single person cannot adopt a child. Adoption is a very noble gesture, but it is also very difficult: children placed in adoption don’t have a nice past. The help of a partner is very beneficial. It is also much more difficult for a single parent to find a partner than someone without children. Really think about it before adopting a child, if you are single.

(By the way, adopting a pet when we are single also creates the same disadvantages. If you adopt a cat, but 5 years later meet a person allergic to cats, will you be ready to give your cat away? Think hard before adopting a pet.)

Having children before or after the wedding? AFTER.

• Get involved in a ministry before or after the wedding?

“I will serve the Lord with my husband”, is something we hear often from young single women. They wait to meet the perfect man before getting involved in a ministry. This is a mistake: singles should be involved in serving the Lord without limitations. The only department that a single person should not be involved in is couple’s counselling. When helping people with their marital problems, it’s better to be married. But all other departments should have open doors for singles.

The Bible is full of stories about single people serving God with all their heart, with passion. Just think of Jeremiah, Daniel, Paul, even Jesus. They were not married, and their impact is, of course, undeniable. So get started in a ministry! Who knows, perhaps you will meet your future spouse in the same department as you.

Get involved in a ministry before or after the wedding? BEFORE. Now is always a good time.