If there is one phrase that a single Christian hears often, it is : “God is preparing someone special for you.” We hear it so often that we can become irritated by it. This encouragement seems spiritual, but is it biblical?

I think Singles are not the only ones to be irritated by this sentence. The Holy Spirit must be as well because this promise has no biblical foundation. Regarding marriage, God commanded marriage to be between a man and a woman, and that it lasts a lifetime. God knows all things. He already knows who we will marry, but is it God that told us to marry a specific person? There is no biblical reference that implies it.

There are no stories in the Bible where God told a man to take a specific woman as his wife. Apart from Adam, but he didn’t have much choice! Repeatedly, God told his sons to choose women among his people, but He never gave them a specific name. God told Hosea to marry a prostitute. This was to illustrate the moral situation of his people, but again, God did not point out one prostitute in particular. Another exception: God told Joseph to marry Mary, while she was pregnant with Jesus. However, this couple was already engaged, they had already chosen each other.

Maybe the person you will marry will seem so compatible that it feels like they were created just for you. Beautiful, romantic songs evoke this feeling, but the truth is no. God did not create a specific person for you.

Here are some more points found in all the biblical stories. The woman never appeared miraculously to the man. (Aside from Adam.) Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac. Jacob worked twice for seven years to marry Rachel. Even Hosea had to go into town himself and find his wife. It may not be romantic, but the Bible shows us that we have to take steps to be able to meet our life partner. Society has changed and now women are not given in marriage by their fathers. They can choose and so they have the same responsibility as men to look for a good husband. To wait until God sends someone is unbiblical.

When someone asks us : “Pray for me, so I can meet the person that God has reserved for me”, I say, “No. God has not reserved anyone for you. God gave you a precise guide to follow to find someone, but it’s your responsibility to look.” It sounds hard, heartless, but I cannot continue to spread this lie. It disempowers the children of God. I will certainly pray for anyone who comes to me, but for them to be able to keep themselves and maintain the standards that God has given them.

God has given us the freedom to choose our partner, but that does not mean that God is completely indifferent to our choices. He wants us to choose a partner with the same faith. To ensure a harmonious marriage we must act with wisdom, and choose criteria that match our character. This gives us a better chance of finding someone who is compatible with us. God knows our hearts, our tastes, and He will present all kinds of opportunities to meet good potential partners. When we walk in His will the Spirit is there, and there we can find other singles with the same heart for God. He will not lead us to worldly clubs or dating sites promoting one night stands. Serving God by using our talents also give us opportunities to meet other singles who share the same passions as us. Presented with all these good opportunities, God leaves us the choice.