Some singles say it loud and clear : they are not ready to date for now. Good for them! But others are trying to find a partner without success. Why? Perhaps they are not ready as well and they haven’t realized it.

There is no state or perfect time to start a life together. We will always have areas for improvement, and that will continue when we get married. However, there are still some aspects of our life and our character that are important to change before meeting someone. In fact, when these points are not optimal in our lives, we may be less attractive to the majority of potential partners.

Age

There is no age to fall in love, and that is a well-known fact. Sometimes my husband and I received requests for counseling from unmarried girls, desperate to find a lover, while they are just getting into their twenties. The age of dating seems to be increasingly young in our society. However, our first relationships are often very short and rarely have the purpose of forming a family. Young people should not believe it is necessary to date while they are still minors. If you have not completed your schooling, or you are under 25 years old, and you cannot find a partner; don’t start questioning yourself! You may be just too young for a serious partner. (This article outlines several advantages and disadvantages depending on age.)

Salvation

Many people give their lives to God after a breakup and believe that to heal their wounds, they just have to date someone who is a Christian. Other singles, after a few weeks living in the joy of salvation feeling peace and a new solid foundation in Christ, begin to imagine a married life based on these new foundations. Although their intentions are good, the most important relationship we have is with Jesus. It is strongly suggested to develop your relationship with Jesus seriously, perhaps even for 1 year, before embarking on a quest for love. (This article may also help.)

Emotional wounds

When we experience a breakup, or another emotional trauma, it goes without saying that we must take the time to heal before we getting back into a relationship. How do we know when we are healed and ready to enter a new relationship? If you are able to talk about your past experiences painless, it is a good first sign. If you no longer follow all the posts of your ex on Facebook : another good sign. If you are happy to learn that your Ex has another partner, it is certainly positive. If you cannot read your own heart, ask God who knows you better than yourself. Be aware that if you had sex with your previous partner, it will be much more difficult to detach yourself from this relationship and to be healed. Sex creates powerful emotional bonds in a couple. This is why God wants to keep sex in the context of marriage.

Finances

If you are drowning in debt, don’t be surprised that few suitors are interested in you! You must desire to give the best of yourself to your future partner, this includes your bank account. Like Luke 16.10-12 NIV says, if you can be trusted with little, you can also be trusted with much. Before being able to keep a family budget, start by holding your own budget.

There are other areas where it’s to your advantage to improve yourself before you find your spouse, think about it. It is always possible to meet someone even if you are too young, newly saved, healing or in debt, but married life will be so much more difficult. Why complicate life if we can ensure our success with a better preparation?