Is your new love relationship rather complicated? Some will tell you that if it is difficult, it is because it does not come from God. Others believe that opposition is a sign that you are on the right path. Which do you believe?
Some passages can seem contradictory in the Bible. In Psalm 34:19 (KJV) it says “Many are the afflictions of the righteous”, but Psalm 91:10 (KJV) says: “There shall no evil befall thee…” How do you explain this? Very simply: God wants the best for us, but the world in which we live in and our own fallen, carnal nature leads us to all sorts of unfortunate situations. Sometimes our conflicts are the fruit of our own immaturity, and sometimes they are from external situations.
The vast majority of projects we undertake come with challenges. The same goes for the search for our loved one. Some challenges require us to fight, and others show us that we must break the relationship we are in. It is important to identify them properly in order to not break a relationship over nothing, or not to be in an unhealthy relationship. Nobody wants to waste time, right?
“Acceptable” challenges are those that shape our character or bring us closer to God.
An attack against your pride
You made a mistake and the other person pointed it out to you. Instead of asking for forgiveness, accepting your wrong, you begin to argue and point out their wrong doings, thus stirring up the flames. This type of storm is frequent, but your pride has no place in a relationship. Do not break a relationship because your pride is hurt! Learn to serve and grow. (For more on this subject, read this other article.)
Persecution from the “unsaved” people in your life
Those who are not filled with the Holy Spirit will not have the same standards of purity as you. If it attracts criticism, mockery, do not break your relationship over this attitude, or compromise your faith to be like the world. Be proud of being different!
Financial constraints
Your boyfriend had a good income, you were already talking trips you were going to take once you get married, and buys you gift. But now, he lost his job, or he was so unhappy at his workplace that he decided to go back to school. You should not break a relationship over money. You will need to have a good conversation about it and make sure he is serious in his projects, but money should not be a reason to break your relationship.
Long distance relationships
If the person has to move abroad for a specific period of time, and they assure you that they will return, you should not break up. It is a big challenge for your couple, but there are also advantages to living a long distance relationship. Obviously, if they move without a desire to return and you do not want to move, you must give up this relationship. But if it is only for a time that both you agree with, do not break a good relationship for this reason. It’s a storm yes, but it will help you focus on the basics of your relationship: getting to know each other.
Urges of the flesh
If you burn with desire for each other and it torments you so much that you can no longer be by their side while remaining pure in your thoughts, do a fast! Repent, seek the face of God, take a cold shower and ask your pastor to pray for your deliverance! This is not a reason to break up, nor is it a reason to push the other to yield to your advances to “relieve” you! It is a storm, yes, but we must face it to become stronger in Christ.
The warning signs are the challenges that take you away from God or compromise who you are.
Opposing doctrines
If you do not share the same faith at all, do not even try to pursue the relationship. Your faith is the basis of your couple; God must always have the first place in your life. It is possible that you will have some little doctrinal disagreements, but if your spiritual basis is totally opposite, for example: if one of the two partners is not born again, back out. Your salvation is more important than your social status.
All kinds of violence
Whether it is because you are prideful, or because you like to quarrel, or find it amusing to say mean words to your partner, your relationship is poisoned. Without mutual respect, your relationship will not hold water. Moreover, such behavior is the opposite of what Christ asks you to do. If you are constantly arguing and there is physical or verbal abuse, it is a sign that you must break up.
Rejection from friends and family
There will always be mothers who think that no woman is perfect enough for their son. That is not what we are talking about here. If your two families and most all your friends tell you that you are not going well together, put the brakes on your relationship and think about it. If those who know you the most have doubts, listen to them. You should not have to isolate yourself from all your loved one to be in relation with someone. (For more on this subject, read this other article.)
You have to deny who you are
God created us all differently. With some people, we have more of a connection with than others. If you need to change the heart of your personality to maintain your relationship with a person, your relationship is doomed to fail. We all have some adjustments and sacrifices to make, but we should never have to change the heart of our personality, those two or three points that really define us. (For more on this subject, read this other article.)
Secret relationships
If you (or the other) wants to keep the relationship a secret, it’s shady! You don’t have to kiss passionately in front of everyone to show you are together, but if none of your friends are aware of your relationship. Why are you hiding? To make sure that your relationship is built well, you must seek guidance from a mature couple in Christ, to keep you accountable in your relationship. If your boyfriend wants to keep your relationship a secret, flee!
Lack of trust
If your partner does not trust you and refuses to share important parts of their life (such as where they work), or is very jealous, they probably still have several emotional wounds that need to be healed. God did not ask you to be a savior. Lead this person to Christ, and to professional help if necessary, but keep your heart during the healing process. It is better to wait for this person to be healed before committing yourself to them.
Identify your battles well. Fight where you need to grow, but flee where you risk getting seriously hurt, emotionally or spiritually.