To approach a charming person when single requires a good deal of self-confidence. How do you get more? Or in other words: how do we get rid of shyness?

A lack of self-confidence has several consequences. The most obvious one is shyness. The girl is pretty, charming, and open to speak to us, then we become paralyzed by our shyness. We don’t think we are good enough for her, we are afraid that she will mock us or just reject us. Shyness is a huge wall for singles, but it can also prevent us from advancing professionally and in our ministry for Christ.

Fortunately, other Christians in the Bible have experienced the same torments and we can learn from their experiences. Timothy, for example, had received the calling of God, but he was young and lacked self-confidence. Paul had to encourage him several times to take his place as leader of his church. “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” (2 Tim. 1.7 NIV)

Another consequence is the lack of trust. It can be difficult to accept criticism or negative comments. When we are afraid of making mistakes, it is often because we are afraid of being corrected. Jesus told us that to enter the Kingdom of God we must be like children (Matthew 18: 3). Children constantly make all sorts of mistakes, we must always correct them, but they learn and grow. It is the same attitude that God wants us to have. He does not want superheroes; He is the one who holds all the power. He wants children who are ready to learn to be like their Father. He is the potter and we are his clay (Romans 9:21).

Obviously, if we have been wrongly corrected, it is normal to fear a correction. A wrong way is to degrade an entire person instead of just dealing with their mistake. We should remind ourselves “I made a mistake, but I’m not a mistake”. All kinds of wounds from the past (rejection, abandonment, injustice, violence, and many others) can also influence our self-confidence. It is important to bring these wounds to the cross, receive forgiveness from God and then give it to those who hurt us to be healed.

However, there is another type of injury that we should not heal: wounds to our pride! When our pride is hurt, we can develop the same symptoms as a person whose self-esteem was bruised: we may be tempted to avoid other situations where we might lose face. We say we are “shy”, whereas at the core we are only afraid that we will look bad! We never dare to take professional or ministerial steps because we are afraid of making a mistake and people laughing at us. Now pride has no place in the life of a believer. It is this sin that has driven Lucifer out of heaven, so we must make war on it!

Pride, like ourselves, wants to protect itself. It wants to stay alive, to continue to control our lives. It tries to convince us to define our life by this idyllic image we seek to be. We often work very hard to maintain this image, while in the end, it is pure pride! What must define us is the Word of God. If we are not yet transformed into the likeness of Christ, we must change, transform ourselves, correct ourselves! Pride has no place in our life because our life should not be centered on us but on Christ.

If you are shy, take the time to assess where your shyness comes from. If it comes from legitimate injuries made to your personal esteem, seek healing. But if it comes from your fear of hurting your pride, it’s really time to change! A good way to develop self-confidence is to forgive ourselves for our mistakes. To do this, we must drop our pride, accept that we make mistakes, and consequently, accept to be corrected.

In the little things of life, begin to laugh about yourself, but without degrading yourself. You are 100% loved by God, but you are also not perfect. Instead of fighting your mistakes, instead of hiding or justifying yourself, do your best to laugh. “You will never guess the foolishness I have done…” That’s what I do and it helps me a lot to keep pride away.

Obviously, some mistakes are not funny at all. In such cases, turn your mistake into a lesson, which can help teach others. “I made a big mistake: I should never have bought this car, I am paying the consequences now.” James 5:16 NIV said: “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” It is a good way of nailing pride to the cross, learning from our mistakes and growing in wisdom.

When you allow yourself to make mistakes, you will kill your pride. You will accept positive criticism and be able to forgive yourself. Only then will you regain your confidence, and a person who has confidence is very attractive!