Whether you have been enchanted by or are fiercely opposed to your friend’s romantic relationship, if it ends, there will be broken hearts. Here are some tips to truly comfort your friend.
When the break up has just occurred, it’s not the time to bombard the person with advice like “you should have done …” or spiritual words like “God has a better one for you.” When the heart bleeds, it must first be healed, before being rebuild. Even if your words are true, it is not your faith that a bruised person needs first, it is your compassion. Romans 12:15 says: “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.” There is a time for all things, says Ecclesiastes, even a time to weep (Eccl. 3.4). (Read this other article on this topic.)
Know as well that the heart will be hurt regardless of the length of the relationship. Even if your friend has met a charming person online, and they have seen each other just twice. If they get rejected, your friend will be hurt. Do not trivialize your friend’s pain even if you think this relationship was not a “real one”. Regardless of the duration (or seriousness) of the relationship, the first approach to a bruised heart is compassion.
Now, if you continue to cry with your friend for weeks on end, then you are no longer a great help. Listen to your friend, whether they are in denial (refuses to believe that this relationship is over) or at the stage of anger, take the time to listen, while putting yourself in their place as much as possible. However, you have the advantage of being outside of the situation, so you have a good chance of being less stuck in emotions. You may see the situation in a different light and can gently ask the person if they will listen to your opinion. Do not impose your advice. There is nothing more irritating than unwanted advice.
When your friend agrees to hear your opinion, stay positive. Help them find the positive sides of the experience they experienced. Even if the relationship was doomed to failure, your friend may have learned more about their own tastes, how to care, how to express personal needs. “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28 KJV) Even our failures have a little something positive because they teach us lessons and make us grow. They can also be one of the best ways to get closer to God, to put Him back as the priority.
This being said, take time to pray with your friend, even if only for a few moments. Prayer allows us to put God back on his royal place in our hearts. It is a way of saying aloud that we believe that He is more powerful than we are, that He is concerned for us and that He has a plan for our life that goes far beyond this sad chapter. Have a prayer of hope and compassion; and set aside the prayers of lamentations. After saying “amen”, you should both feel lifted up and filled with hope. If this is not the case, analyze your prayer: you have certainly forgotten something important.
Finally, all this (demonstrating empathy, giving advice when wanted and praying together) is not done in one day! If you really want to be a source of comfort, you will have to spend time. Your friend may need a few moments alone to analyze their own emotions, but do not go too far. Loneliness can prolong their suffering; Your friend needs to know that they are not alone in the world. “A friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.” (Prov 17:17 KJV)