For most singles when they say they are preparing for marriage, they are talking about improving their finances, culinary skills, spiritual life, or the like. And that’s great! But do not forget to also prepare yourself for suffering!
There is a movement in the Church these days where people don’t want to talk about anything negative. They say “We wouldn’t want to “prophesy” misfortune”. So a good number of spiritual leaders avoid certain less attractive subjects. The problem with this ideology is that it creates unrealistic expectations and a utopian vision of the future. It does not adequately equip the children of God. Yet, in the Bible, the life of the disciples was far from being rosy!
Let’s take Paul as an example. He was an outstanding evangelist and a very good at training disciples of Christ. He made sure that not only people received salvation, but that they also receive the Holy Spirit. When filled with the Holy Spirit many people warned Paul that if he returned to Jerusalem, torments would await him. “Taking Paul’s belt, he bound his own feet and hands, and said, “Thus says the Holy Spirit: ‘So will the Jews at Jerusalem bind the man who owns this belt, and will deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles.’” (Acts 21:11 WEB)
If someone were to say something like that to us today, many would reject it by saying: “I refuse this in the name of Jesus!” Or when hearing this, we might come to the conclusion that it is better not to go. This is what the disciples of the time believed as well. “When we heard these things, both we and they of that place begged him not to go up to Jerusalem.” (Acts 21:12 WEB)
But no! Paul received this message as a warning to prepare himself mentally to live the with suffering. “Then Paul answered, “What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.” (Acts 21:13 WEB) We should certainly look to the example of this great apostle.
Marriage is a blessed institution of God; it was His idea! (Some are called to remain single and this is great for them, but most aspire to get married.) There are other moments of great joy as well! But we must prepare ourselves for the moments of suffering. Otherwise, when these difficulties happen, we will be confused, wounded and try to escape. After all, the vows of marriage say “for better or for worse”.
Sometimes, by pretending to remain “in faith” and very positive, we dare not think of the difficulties that await us. It’s being an ostrich and that’s not what Jesus told us to do. “ For which of you, desiring to build a tower, doesn’t first sit down and count the cost, to see if he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:28 WEB) When you are preparing for marriage, keep in mind that it will not always be pleasant, there will be moments of self-sacrifice (see this other article on this subject) and ask yourself if you are really ready for this sacrifice.
The same goes for your calling. God has given us specific talents and a specific mission. But it is not because God Himself gave it to us, that it will all go well! Remember the example of the first disciples! “Jesus said, “Most certainly I tell you, there is no one who has left house, or brothers, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or land, for my sake, and for the sake of the Good News, 30 but he will receive one hundred times more now in this time, houses, brothers, sisters, mothers, children, and land, with persecutions; and in the age to come eternal life.” (Mark 10: 29-30 WEB) If we read quickly, we will shout “Amen!” to this passage. But stop and look at what Jesus said: yes blessings, but with persecutions!
How do you not become pessimistic and depressed looking at our future? Again, following the model of the disciples in the Bible. “But these things don’t count; nor do I hold my life dear to myself, so that I may finish my race with joy, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to fully testify to the Good News of the grace of God.” (Acts 20:24 WEB) Look at your life with the eyes of the Spirit, and you will have peace and joy. “Accounting the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures of Egypt; for he looked to the reward.” (Hebrews 11:26 WEB)