Apparently, it’s more difficult for a Christian Single to get a date than a non-Christian one. But why? How do we explain this difference and above all, how can we change this sad trend?
Last fall an American magazine* published the results of a survey of Christian singles about their love life. The vast majority of singles admitted that they had not been on a date in the last six months. This is a bit of a contrast to unsaved singles who have an average of one or two dates a month!
The poll also compiled different reasons for this difference. Among these reasons is “unrealistic expectations”. When we are Christians, our spiritual authorities encourage us to make a list of what we want to find in our future partner. After all, they say “we must be specific and precise when we ask God for something”. Singles make an exhaustive list of what they are looking for and often they can not find that perfect person.
My husband and I, in our private coaching sessions, met a lot of singles who just have too many criteria. While seeking the rare pearl, we miss several opportunities; imperfect people like you, but who would be a good match for you! Developing a list of criteria is a good thing to do, but it should be used to confirm your choice rather than narrow your search. (Read this other article on this topic.)
Another reason that might explain why Christians Singles don’t go on dates: they take the whole process far too seriously. It’s true that Christians should not jump from one partner to another, and that dating should be toward marriage. But we are far from the wedding on the first date! Just because you are having coffee with someone of the opposite sex does not mean that you will inevitably get married! The first dates are there to get to know the other person, it is quite possible that these dates lead to nothing. If we take this pressure off, we would meet a lot more people.
Christian singles do not have many dates for another reason: they wait (and wait!) for someone to take the first steps towards them. Since first dates are taken too seriously, no one dares to take the first steps before being convinced that “it’s the right one”. Moreover, since Christians want to keep a semblance of purity, they don’t want to have too many dates. So they wait for the only one that will surely lead to marriage. But this leads to Singles staying alone, waiting for an invitation.
Also in our churches, it is not seen as appropriate for a woman to make the first steps. But why? Women have taken the lead at times in the Bible. For example Ruth toward Boaz. (Read this other article on this topic.)
Finally, another reason why Christians Singles don’t have many dates, it’s simply because they cannot find other singles! If Christians restrain themselves to only looking for a partner in their local church, it will be very hard to find someone. Of course, there are benefits to dating someone in the local church, but the vast majority of couples will tell you that they met outside of their local church. In fact, according to a research we did 3 years ago, only 10% of married couples said they had met in their local church.
Yes, it can be harder to find other singles who share your faith outside of your church, but that’s not impossible. Passion374 organizes activities, events, and conferences to allow singles from different churches to meet, and we are not the only ministry to do so. Also, by sharing your faith wherever you go, even at the gym and at the grocery store, you could meet someone that has the same values as you. The important thing is to display your colors so that you never have to compromise on what is essential to you: your relationship with God. (On this subject, read this other article.)
Go and meet other singles in your church or other Christians around you. Relax and go make friends!