As Children of God, we choose to forgive those who hurt us. Then, we believe that everything is settled. Now, sometimes, anger resurfaces after a while. Does that mean we hadn’t really forgiven them? Not necessarily.

When we get hurt emotionally, it leaves a wound on our heart. It does not matter the size of the offense. We know that it is important to seek healing for our wounds because even if they are not visible, they “deform” us. Yes, some trials make us stronger, but only after our heart is healed. Otherwise, we will not be stronger, we will be harder, more bitter. People who are not cured of a past relationship, for example, have a lot of trouble getting into a new relationship or trusting their new love. Seeking healing is therefore essential.

But to begin our healing process, we need to forgive. If we harbor resentment against someone, we can’t get that person out of our head. We can’t “move on”. We may not forget the offense that was done to us, but when we forgive, we choose not to bring it back to our memory (see this other article on the subject).

Because this is forgiveness: to choose to erase the debt of someone to us. One person has hurt us, but we choose to forgive them, that is to say, to no longer wait for them to repay his debt to us. This is how Jesus described forgiveness in Matthew 18: 23-35. In verse 27 it is written : “Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.” He did not fire this servant, as we understand from the rest of the story, this servant even remained at work for his master. But the latter has decided that he will not expect the servant to pay him back.

In the same way, if a person lies about us, for example, forgiving him means that we will no longer expect that person to repair his wrongs. We will not require this person to “pay his debt to us” by telling everyone that he lied. To forgive is a way of renouncing justice, the law of the Talion. If our “ex” has been unfaithful, to forgive them means that we will no longer demand that they apologize, they will owe us nothing - they will no longer be in debt to us. (We do not have to continue our relationship with an unfaithful or aggressive person, but we must forgive them.)

It’s difficult, but that’s what God asks of his children. “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19.18 KJV). And this request is repeated in the New Testament. “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (Matthew 6.14-15 KJV).

It is important to add here that we must forgive the person who has offended us, who has hurt us, even though they don’t even know what they did. We do not forgive someone because they ask for it, but we forgive them to free ourselves. So whether or not the other person knows his wrongs is of little importance. If your pastor did not greet you, and that offended you, you don’t have to go to them and say: “Pastor, you did not say hello to me Sunday, it hurt me but I forgive you.” In fact, if you’re going to tell them, it’s is a form of revenge, because you hope they will apologize, and pay their debt to you. Free yourself from your hurts by keeping your thoughts pure. “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice” (Ephesians 4.31 KJV).

Since forgiveness must occur when we are hurt, it is possible that we have to forgive many times. An injury can begin to heal, but reopen when a memory comes back, or when someone talks to us about it, and so on. If the wound opens again, and we feel offended again, that does not mean we were not sincere the first time. Always treat this situation as if the offense had just happened and forgive again. “Then Peter came and said to Him, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven” (Matthew 18.21-22 NASB)

Every time we forgive, we remove that offense from our lives, giving our heart a chance to repair itself. If you have to forgive more than once, well do it! Do it as often as necessary, until this offense does not hurt you anymore.