Do you want to get married? Wonderful, but be careful. Just because someone says they are in love with you, that doesn’t mean they are a good candidate for marriage! Some relationships can even be toxic!
We all hope to meet a partner who will love us, who will add sunshine to our life. We are not naive, we know that there will be rainy days, even storms, but it is normal to hope that our spouse will work as hard as we do to make our marriage a success. But there are four types of partners who will not fight for their marriage, who will be a ball and chain. You need to discern this early in your relationship and avoid them at all costs.
1. The damsel in distress
She is pretty, but so fragile. She always seems to be in trouble and she is so grateful when we help her! At the beginning of the relationship, she makes us feel important. By taking her out of her problems, we feel great, proud of our success. However, that is precisely her tactic to keep us close to her. We will quickly understand that we become indispensable to her life, to her happiness. She is dependent on us and it eventually becomes heavy to be with her.
There are men that also fit in this mold. Without his girlfriend, he seems lost! He cannot fill his tax papers, he does not know what clothes to wear, he does not cook, etc. Compliments are always nice to receive, but be on your guard. If you feel that your boyfriend becomes dependent on you, be careful. He may not fight for the survival of your marriage. If you ask for his help or participation, he might look for another “savior” elsewhere.
It is God who must satisfy us, make us strong. The woman of Proverbs 31 is not a damsel in distress! And Joshua may have been insecure at the beginning of his calling, but he trusted God and God gave him everything he needed to fulfill his role.
2. Eeyore: melancholic and pessimistic
Do you remember Eeyore the donkey, in the cartoon Winnie the Pooh? He was always sad, melancholic and pessimistic. Some singles are identical to this character. Generally, they are good teddy bears: when we are alone with them, doing nothing, life is beautiful, simple and warm. But as soon as we go out, meet other people or plan projects, Eeyore sees only the obstacles and becomes grumpy. This is why this type of single, yet warm and loving, generally remain hidden in their basement.
We find the same on the feminine side. She is kind, generous, but negative and has a very low self-esteem. The problem with these types of partners is that they expect the relationship not to work! They don’t make any effort to save it; confronted with problems, they hide and stay quiet. They are partners with great walls around their hearts and they will need the help of the Holy Spirit to get rid of them. Do not get married to a person who is convinced that you are going to divorce! God says that you are a wonderful creature (Ps 139.14) and that He has good plans for you so that you may have a happy life (Jer 29.11). Believe It!
3. The “tough guy” or the “drama queen”
Completely the opposite of “Eeyore”, the third type of single shows excessive self-confidence. He knows where he is going and nothing is going to stop him. This attitude may be attractive at first because he will do everything to conquer his sweetheart. A real knight! But once in a relationship with this person, he will quickly become jealous of all others, be controlling, and even aggressive. You will not be entitled to your opinion: everything must work in its own way.
On the female side, we have the women who place themselves on a pedestal. Everything must be to their liking, otherwise, they will explode into frightening anger. Behind their determined attitude lies a lot of pride: the same sin that drove Lucifer out of heaven! Rather God asks us to be humble and servants of one another (Gal 5:13). This type of partners will not fight for the success of their marriage: they will break it and even blame the other partner for this failure!
4. The hedonist or materialist
The heart of this type of partner seeks pleasure before God. This includes sex, of course, but also possession of material things, entertainment and all the pleasures of life. They may very well call themselves Christians, and attend the church every Sunday, but their hearts are not given to God, they are not ready to sacrifice themselves for Him.
A romantic relationship with this type of partner will not last. As soon as the little butterflies from the beginning disappear, or when their partner no longer attracts attention, or if there is less time for entertainment, this relationship will be broken. Check the “soil” of your partner’s heart before marrying them. Christ clearly said that the riches of this world can stifle the seed and prevent growth (Matt 13:22).