Last week, we talked about the four types of relationships to avoid. Maybe by reading some of the definitions, you have unfortunately recognized yourself! What can you do to change your position?

It is God who instituted marriage. It was his idea to populate the earth and maintain a form of structure in society. He loves beautiful stories of love: He even compares his Son Jesus to a husband and the Church to his bride. In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, we read a beautiful definition of this perfect love. “Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” (NASB).

In reading the previous verses, you may have thought: “If I bear all things, I will be exploited in my relationship”! If reading a passage in the Bible makes you doubt, there is definitely a problem! To love in this way is possible and even healthy according to God. But for that, we need the help of the Holy Spirit. Thanks to his support, by trusting him, we will be able to be a servant to our partner and draw from God the answers to our needs.

Now, the biggest assistance the Holy Spirit gives comes in the form of healing. To be able to love our partner, we must be free from our past relationships and healed from the breakups we have experienced. Often after a bad break up someone will display the attitude of a damsel in distress or a “drama-queen”. It is by suffering the rejection of a partner that a man can become an “Eeyore” or a controlling man. These are four types of people that we shouldn’t date, that we talked about last week. Often they are this way because of unhealed wounds.

To be healed we must be able to separate ourselves from the source of pain while our emotional sore is closing. It’s a bit like a physical injury: if we have a cut in the palm of our hand, we cannot play ball. We must make sure nothing will touch our hand until the wound is closed. At the moment we are wounded, and then every time after when we think about that offense, it is as if we are touching this wound again. This does not give it time to heal. This is why God says that forgiving is to not bring to memory the offense that was done to us (see this other article on this subject).

If the wounds are deep, they will take longer to heal. Do not close yourself on your wounds, do not build walls around your heart to avoid being hurt again, this will only hide the problem. To be free to love again, your heart must be renewed, must be healed. It would be unfair for your new love to bed compared to your past partners. So if we are not cured of our previous relationships, that is exactly what we will do, developing one of the four attitudes of people we shouldn’t date.

Take a good time with God, at the foot of the Cross, to let the blood of Jesus enfold your heart with his divine healing. Forgive your “ex”, and let God take care of them. Then, go to the open tomb of Jesus to receive the resurrection of your dreams of living a healthy relationship and a happy marriage (see this other article). “But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you” (Romans 8:11 NASB). The same Spirit can also bring life to your hopes and dreams. Because no matter what we have experienced, God’s will for our life does not change: He continues to desire our peace, our joy, and our freedom.