In an era where women rightly claim equality and recognition in all kinds of areas, the Bible teachings on the role of women in marriage can sometimes create a fiery debate. Still, we have to talk about it, right?

Let’s start by saying that this article is written by a married woman, with a bachelor degree, a former journalist for the state television station and in love with God. They say that I am a leader, with a gentle touch, but that I do not compromise. I have these talents because God gave them to me, and I certainly will not bury them. However, when it comes to marriage, my position is significantly different.

Let’s go back to the source. “And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Genesis 2.18 NKJV). The man was created first. To reproduce himself, and for other social and emotional needs, he needed help. It was then that God decided to give him His best solution: the woman. The man was not created second, to help the woman, but the opposite. We are not talking about cultural tradition here; it is the order chosen directly by God.

Strangely, the notion that the woman must be subject to her husband is found only in the New Testament. If we put the letters of the New Testament back into the historical and cultural context that was well established at the time, we understand why Paul (and other apostles) speak about the submission of women. The recipients of these letters had not received a Jewish education, they had grown up under a different vision of the world. For example, in Paul’s era, Greeks worshiped all kinds of gods and paid special attention to the goddess Aphrodite. This idolatry led women to take a leading position in many areas of society, but especially in their marriage. Therefore Paul wrote these recommendations to Greek women to let their husbands be the leaders of their families, as God has established from the foundation of the world (for the role of man, see this other article).

If we are truly born again, we are no longer slaves of the world and we no longer conform to the present age (Romans 12: 2). We return to our original state, the one in which God created us: to be a helper to our husband. When we choose to marry (because we are not obligated - we have the right to remain single as Matthew 19.12 says), we choose to follow our husband’s vision for the family. We agree with his vision, we help him stay the course, and we put our talents to the success of this vision. That’s why a woman must marry a man who has a vision of the family that she shares! We don’t marry a man because he is handsome, rich or because he has an important title. We are entering into this great life project because we love the direction this man wants to take in life and we love his vision of family. We will not always agree with the small detours that the man can take, but since we agree with his final vision, we will follow him. Of course, this doesn’t mean that we will follow without ever saying a word! If the husband is wise, he will take our objections into consideration. But since we walk in the same direction, which is the vision that we adopted before getting married, we are a perfect team. When we realized that we need to marry a man with whom we agree on his vision, our list of criteria may change!

This attitude of following our husband does not make the woman a wimp. Go read the strength of character shown by the woman of Proverbs 31, and you will see that she has all the abilities of a leading woman. Nothing prevents us from being the leader of a company or nation (like Esther), or having an important position in the justice system (like Deborah) or even being a wise warrior (like Jael). But if we want to get married, we need to let our husband take the place that God has given him (1 Corinthians 11: 3). If you are not ready to give him this place and to take ours, well it’s simple, you are not ready to be married.

When a man takes his place in his household, when the woman teams up with him by sharing his vision and helping him accomplish it, the children understand their place too. Then there is order in the house, which brings peace and a sense of security. When parents understand their position in the family, children see the blessing of following God’s orders and they will be encouraged to follow God’s commandments as well.

Now be a woman of God, a woman of influence like that of Proverbs 31, a woman on a mission. And if you want to get married, do it as God has established, because his will is good, acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12.2).