Surrender your dreams to the Lord… Does it mean to give up our dream of getting married, or to stop looking, to give up all hope, all expectations? There are two ways to give up: one that produces hope, and one that produces despair.

We often hear Christians say that we must stop looking for a partner, that it is when we stop looking that we find it. And these Christians always have several examples to share where singles actually found their spouse when they had stopped actively seeking. Some even quote verses such as: “Cast your burden on the Lord, and He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.” (Psalms 55.22 NKJV) or “Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass.” (Psalms 37.5 NKJV)

These are excellent verses, we must actually trust God in all things, including our search for a partner. But trusting God does not mean becoming immobile. When the friends of the paralyzed man decided to help by bringing him to Jesus, they made a hole in the roof of a house to reach the Master (see Mark 2). His friends did not tell him: “Stop looking for healing, give your sickness to the Lord, and he shall bring it to pass.” And it goes for all our needs. Even if we have faith, we also have to take a few steps.

There is a difference between “surrender our desire to marry” and “surrender to GOD our desire to marry”. When we give up, our soul breaks. We declare defeat and we choose to live without this blessing. But if we give our search to God, we say to Him, “Lord, what do you want me to do now?” When we give it to God we do not lose our dream, we only choose not to try to reach it on our own. God asks only asks that in all things that his children surrender themselves into his hands.

By surrendering your desire to marry to God, you are listening to Him to tell you your next step. Perhaps He will tell you not to think about it for a few weeks, to put your priorities back in the right order. Maybe to heal your wounds. Perhaps he will tell you to start a new ministry or start participating in ministries that are part of your church. The possibilities are limitless. When your dream is in His hands, you do not become obsessed with trying to realize it. You place yourself in a position of obedience to God and let him guide you. You trust him to take you to the right place at the right time. You may have to make a hole in a ceiling at some point, hopefully not literally, of course!. You might have to make a great effort, but it will be God who inspired you to do it, and not your own obsession.

By the way, the same goes for many other positions in Christ. When we talk about resting, for example, that does not mean taking leave of all our activities. The Bible speaks of resting IN GOD, that is, putting oneself in the position that God has already accomplished everything (Hebrews 4). There is a difference between peace and the peace of God, and so on. Are you disappointed with seeing no results in your search for a partner? Don’t surrender, but surrender to God. Leave your dream in the hands of God and let Him finally guide you and take care of your heart at the same time.