The time of dating is there to see if we are ready to live with this person forever. Sometimes we realize that no, this relationship can not continue. So how to break up with someone while minimizing the damage?
Sadly, not all love stories lead to marriage. It is possible to spend a few days, even several months, dating a person to realize that you will never be able to live daily with them. Even if they are Christian and on fire for God, you always have to compromise to satisfy them. They have a burning desire to open a church in Africa and you care about the children of Northern Quebec. They grew up in a charismatic Christian church and believes in miracles and speaking in tongues, and you prefer the respectful side of solemn rites and moments of silent meditation. Yes, you share the same faith, the same love for God, but you have incompatible personalities. It is possible, and it is always better to realize it BEFORE you get married because, after the wedding, it will be too late to break up.
Once you have thought through the situation and the Holy Spirit has confirmed that you should not marry that person, you must end the relationship. Each break-up creates wounds. Yes, it will be difficult for the other person to hear your conclusion, but you can minimize the damage by following these tips:
1. Do not do it under the influence of anger
When our passions are opposed, it is very likely that we will have arguments or heated debates. When we are angry with the other person we must not give our announce to end this relationship. Bring your anger to God first and purify your heart. When you are at peace, this will be the right time to put the cards on the table.
2. Remember that you are talking to a child of God
Even if this person is not compatible with you, that does not mean that they are not compatible with anyone. They are loved and chosen by God, and you must treat them with all the respect you owe to your brothers and sisters in the Lord. Likewise, refuse to speak badly against this person after your relationship. They were not compatible with you from a marital point of view, but that does not diminish their worth in the eyes of God.
3. Do it quickly
Do not stretch out the relationship for months and months just “in case” that person would change over time. Of course, do not break up during the first conflict, but if the arguments are increasing, do not force yourself in this relationship. The longer you wait to break up, the bigger the wound will be.
4. Do it completely
If you decide to end this relationship, do it completely. Do not enter the zone “let’s just be friends” because usually, it’s a lie. Saying that sometimes leaves hope to the other person, which is not nice either.
5. Do it!
Don’t be a coward! Some people never say they want to break up: they stop returning calls or responding to messages … they disappear from the surface of the Earth! This is a cowardly and disrespectful attitude. Be full of courage and do what needs to be done. You will feel much freer afterward.
Finally, keep in mind that just because this relationship did not work, it doesn’t mean that you will be left alone forever. Enjoy the good times you had with this person, accept your wrongs and think about what you will do better next time. Take the time to re-evaluate your list of criteria and put your priorities back in the right order.
Do not go back immediately into search mode. Even if you are the one who ends a relationship, you will certainly have some wounds to heal as well. It is also necessary to avoid “replacing” one partner with another because it would be unfair for the “substitute” that would be constantly compared against the previous relationship. Do not forget that only God can fill our emptiness or loneliness; do not rush into a relationship until that fact is established in your heart.