Not all Singles want to be in a relationship. Some live very well alone; it’s a grace given to them. But to ensure that this comfort is legitimate, a little introspection is necessary.
Living together is not always easy. Literature and films often present couples in relationships as an idyllic story, with little hearts floating around our heads. But those who are married confirm it: it is not always easy to share your daily life with another person. Being single is not always easy either, but sometimes after experiencing a divorce or other breakups, some people find that living alone has many benefits. And they are right!
Is being comfortable in the state we are proof that we are in God’s plan for our life? Not always! Very few people in the Bible have built the Kingdom of God by living in absolute comfort. It’s often when they were living comfortably that they fell into sin (remember the story of King David the day he did not go to war with his army - 2 Samuel 11). “So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Corinthians 10:2 NIV). In all areas of our life (not just in our love life), comfort is not necessarily a sign that we are in the right place (Matthew 16:24, Philippians 3:12-14). We must be satisfied with our state, be happy in all circumstances, while seeking new challenges, new blessings. It is when we are so comfortable that we don’t want to move that should sound an alarm in our hearts.
God may have given us the gift of celibacy, which is very rare and precious. But to make sure it is a gift from God and not a false peace that comes from the flesh, we can ask ourselves two questions.
“Do I feel good alone because I don’t feel like sacrificing myself for others?” We live in a world that promotes indulgence and self-centeredness; it’s easy to get carried away by this wave. When new products are created to save us time, the advertisements always promise us that we will have more time to relax or play, and not to have more time to serve those around us! If we are alone, it is good to examine our hearts to see if there are no roots of self-centeredness. Maybe we don’t like to compromise daily, we don’t want to have to serve our mate, etc. If so, talk it over with your Lord, and let Him shed new light on this idea of sacrifice.
“Do I feel good alone because I’m afraid of dating someone?” Falling in love and opening our hearts to another person is very dangerous! We could be rejected, humiliated, exploited, etc. We could also make a mistake and choose the wrong partner and lose our reputation. We could also find the right person, but make so many mistakes that we sabotage this blessing God gave us. All kinds of fears singles could have that would convince them they are better off alone. However, God does not want us to live in fear. If we are afraid because we have been injured, it is important to seek healing. God, like any good father, wants to see His children fulfilled and free. Thanks to Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross and also by His resurrection, we have the proof that God can free us from the past and give us new life (2 Corinthians 5:17).
If you are happy alone, and you know that this is not a disguised way of living with self-centeredness or fear, then may God be glorified! You have received an exceptional grace (1 Corinthians 7:7) and you must use it to make His Kingdom grow (Matthew 19:12). Do not be offended by those who do not understand your calling: you are a gem! To help people understand you, instead of just saying “well, I’m fine being alone” when they ask why you are single. Answer them “God has given me the grace to be fine living alone”. They will not be able to argue against this and they may even be happy for you.