You have never seen this person before today. You talked a little bit together and found them very interesting. You don’t want to go too fast, but you don’t want to lose them either. Need some advice?
Life is made up of moments where we meet all kinds of new people; whether it’s a Bible study, a concert, or a friend’s party. If you want to find a life partner, it is to your advantage to use more ways of getting to know new people. It can take a lot of courage, especially if you are introverted, but it is the best way to enrich our social life. It’s also a good way to become more relaxed when meeting new people. If you get into the habit of going to unfamiliar places and talking with strangers, you will be more and more comfortable with new faces.
During one of these activities, you chat with a charming young woman. As Christians, it might seem inappropriate to use the same methods as unbelievers, like asking for the young woman’s phone number and even worse by inviting her home after the evening! What to do? First and foremost, put a guard on your heart (SS 8:4 and Prov 4:23)! Even if you find that you share many things in common, don’t let your thoughts focus on marriage, or else your hormones might make you think of carnal pleasures. Bind your heart properly by remembering one essential point: marriage is the union of two best friends (Prov 2:17). And this is the secret of a good, sanctified and effective approach: always keep the idea of friendship in mind.
For example: if you meet a person of the same sex as you and think that they could become your friend, how would you act? You might ask them to become your friend on social media first, to keep getting to know them. You certainly do not have a list of criteria for finding a friend, so you would not give a long questionnaire to a new acquaintance to see if they are worth your time to develop a relationship with them! The same is true with someone who could become your partner. After meeting them for the first time, don’t start asking them questions to see if they could meet your list of criteria! Instead of asking yourself, “Could this stranger be my future spouse?” Ask yourself: “Could this stranger become my friend?” We have to marry our best friend, so let’s start with friendship!
By changing our expectations, we are much less stressed in communicating with new people. We are not building our future by sending them a message! Don’t worry, it’s never a waste of time to talk to other Christians. We are a big family, with many brothers and sisters. Let’s learn to communicate with each other without expectations. If you feel rushed to get married, talk to the Lord. Finding a husband is not like buying a phone! In God, we marry for life: the foundation must, therefore, be solid to last a lifetime. So let’s not rush things.
Once you have exchanged messages for a time, you can ask them if they want to participate in an activity that you will be attending. For example, if you met at a Christian concert, ask them if they plan to go to another Christian concert. Just like you would with an emerging friendship because that’s what it is: the beginning of a friendship. Keep in mind that some people are talkative, and others more reserved. If you send a message and the person does not reply to you or does not seem to want to talk more, don’t push it. Do not send 20 messages the first week! The idea here is to open a door, not to invade your new acquaintance. By rushing into someone interesting, you could break up this relationship that could have been fruitful had you been more patient.
Another important point: if you keep the idea of developing a friendship in mind, it will also leave room in your heart to talk to other people. For example, when a man meets an interesting woman and thinks only of her, examines the possibility if she could be his wife, and so on, he has no time to make other friendships. And if after 6 months he realizes that there will be no relationship with her, he will feel like he has lost 6 months of his life. Whereas if we keep the idea of friendship in mind, not only are we happier in general, but we also keep our heart free for another person, if one of our friendships becomes more important.
Last advice, this idea of friendship should even be your motivation to participate in all your activities. Even if you participate in an activity for singles, do not go there to find your future mate. Go there to meet new people, to encourage the organizers, or to enjoy the activity as it is. If you do not make memorable encounters, you will still have a great evening. And if you do meet an interesting person, you won’t feel the pressure of marriage and you will be able to be yourself.