Even if our intentions are good, criticizing is like using dynamite. If we don’t take the necessary precautions, we risk seeing all our relationships explode.

God never appreciated the complaints and criticisms of His people. In fact, it was what irritated Him most about the Israelites in the wilderness and it was what led Him to inflict harsh punishment on them (Numbers 14). Even in the early church, the apostle Paul told Christians to refrain from criticism of God. “Nor complain, as some of them also complained, and were destroyed by the destroyer” (1 Corinthians 10:10 NKJV). God is always right, and criticizing His perfect plan gets us into trouble and puts a chill between us and our Father.

But God is not alone in being irritated by constant criticism. Some people seem good at finding other people’s faults while ignoring their own. Even non-religious people know Matthew 7:3, “And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye?” (NKJV). We give the right to certain authority figures to correct us in different areas. This is the case with personal trainers, for example, whom we pay to criticize us! But uninvited advice always creates a gap in a relationship.

This is sometimes the main reason why a single cannot keep a partner. Some singles criticize everything around them. The church organizes a worship concert: it is not spiritual enough for them. The church has an evening of prayer: there is not enough praise. The church is going out to evangelize: we should train disciples and take care of the existing flock instead. The church gives training to the disciples: we should go out to evangelize. Just reading these lines makes you feel exasperated, right? Indeed this is the effect they have around them. No one likes to rub shoulders with the discontented, let alone marry them! They often remain single, or if they get married, their relationship ends in divorce; the other partner completely emotionally exhausted from the constant criticism. “A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Proverbs 27:15 NKJV). The verse here talks about a woman, but men too can have this destructive habit.

Does this mean that you should never criticize anything, never complain or give your opinion? No, of course. But just as we have to be very careful when handling explosives, we also need to be very careful when we open our mouths. We must keep in mind that bad criticism can irritate God and delay our blessings, as well as break relationships and isolate us.

• Be careful who you address your criticism to
  If a situation bothers you, discuss it with God first; that is, pour out your heart, but let Him answer you. Most of the time, He will show you the plank that is in your eye, and then you will be less eager to point out the faults of others. If God confirms that you must react, you must state your criticism to those concerned, those who can change the situation, and not everyone around (Proverbs 26:20)!

• Be careful to the reason why you criticize
  Do you choose to criticize a situation because it offended you? (Then it’s just a problem of pride on your part.) Or are you complaining about a detail that is not essential? Or do you want to warn someone that their actions could endanger them? (If so, then yes, take them aside and tell them in an appropriate way.) Before opening your mouth, ask yourself “why is this bothering me”? The answer will surely tell you if it is necessary or not to intervene.

• Be careful what it will cost you
  If you don’t plan on offering your help, don’t criticize. Is your discomfort worth the price of this relationship? What reputation do you want to build with your words?

• Be careful how you do it
  Always think about your intentions (love does not think evil - 1 Corinthians 13:5). Most people do not do bad things out of sheer wickedness. What they did may have been a bad idea, but they probably thought it was going to be good. Keep this in mind before criticizing it. The sandwich technique is not biblical, but it is full of kindness. If you have to criticize something, start by giving a compliment (a sincere one!) and end with another positive point from the person or situation you are criticizing.

If you want a good relationship with God and with others around you (especially with a future partner!), consider putting criticism aside and only use it as a last resort. “If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men” (Romans 12:18 NKJV).