Have you ever waited for a response from someone, and even been angry about waiting only to realize later that someone else had your response? A classic situation where you were looking at the wrong person. What if it was the same as seeking a partner?
For many people, the definition of “single” is “the stage before marriage”. When they feel any dissatisfaction, they start looking for a life partner. They seek love, romance, peace … and sometimes they cannot find it, which only leads to great frustration. However, they may have been looking for the wrong person! The Bible does say “seek and you will find”, but if we do not seek the right thing, we may find the wrong thing or nothing at all. If we want to get married, should we look for a life partner? Maybe not!
When the Bible talks about marriage, it talks about friendship. As in the case with this broken marriage: “That forsaketh the friend of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God” (Proverbs 2:17 ESV). Marriage is a covenant before God, where two people agree to be the companion of the other, “each other’s friend”, for the rest of their lives. Of course, plans to build a family is usually tied to a marriage and not to other kinds of friendships. But basically, marriage is the union of two companions.
So, instead of looking for a partner, what if we look for a friend?
During various Passion374 social activities, we are asked: “Am I going to find a husband or wife here?” Maybe, maybe not. The purpose of our activities is not to form couples, but to create friendships. Some people have already argued: “I don’t need friends, I already have plenty!” To which I am always tempted to answer: “And it looks like you still need more!” If we choose to marry a person for their beauty, for sex or for money, this marriage will have fleeting foundations. Even wanting to get married in order to have children is risky, because these children will one day leave the house. But if we choose to marry our best friend, and commit to being their companion before God, the foundation will be solid. So, to find a spouse, you must first find a friend! If none of your current friends are making your heart beat faster, it may be time to make other friends!
The advantage of looking for a friend, rather than a mate, is that you will be much more relaxed in your approach. There will be no pressure to judge the other according to your vision of the future. You will appreciate each person for what they are. If you are looking for friends, you will definitely participate in activities that suit your interests, and therefore, you will have fun while building your friendships. You will already have common interests if one of your new acquaintances arouses some emotions. Finally, we are generally more pleasant with friends than with possible partners. We will not reject all those who come to talk to us just because they didn’t give us a good first impression!
Some singles will roll their eyes when reading this approach saying: “But this will take too long!” Indeed it is a method which may seem long, but it will not be unpleasant! And the time you invest in building friendships makes your future marriage stronger; it’s it worth it? Your friendships can also help you improve certain aspects of your character or lead you to abandon certain unnecessary criteria in your search for a partner. It’s not a waste of time either! So multiply your opportunities and places to meet other people.
Finally, there is nothing wrong with using Christian dating sites, but let’s admit it, these sites are not used for looking for friends! After finding a few people who meet your criteria, you will need to meet them in person quickly to see if friendship can develop between the two of you. (Don’t forget: dating sites are just icebreakers, a way to get to know more people. Don’t fall in love on the Internet.) So you might have to restrain your heart a little, and deliberately choose to change your views of the other person while you develop your friendship.
So go ahead! Make friends, enjoy life, and grow the Kingdom of God with your talents and experiences.