Faced with our current challenges, we sometimes look to the past with envy. Everything seemed easy and more pleasant in our previous chapter. Sometimes we even try to return to this past, which is never a good idea!
Sighing while looking at the past is a human trait that is not new. After being delivered from Pharaoh and fed with heavenly bread the people of Israel grew weary of manna. “We remember the fish which we ate freely in Egypt, the cucumbers, the melons, the leeks, the onions, and the garlic; but now our whole being is dried up; there is nothing at all except this manna before our eyes!” (Numbers 11:5-6 NKJV).
The children of Israel remembered what was on their tables but, surprisingly, they did not remember the hard work and the slavery that overwhelmed them. And we also do the same when we look at our past. We think about the sweet loving moments we had with our ex-partner, we remember meals together and a few birthdays, but we forget why we chose to divorce. Or, we remember the sexual adventures we had before we were Christians, the exciting games of seduction, but we forget that we had no peace, that we were living in distress, an inner death, and that was why we jumped into the arms of our Heavenly Father.
When we experience boredom or challenges in our current situation, it is easy to look longingly at our past. When we are in uncertain times, when we don’t know what to do, when God guides us in an unknown path, we may have a desire to return to what we know. The word “manna” means “what is it?” Cucumbers, melons, leeks were well-known foods, but manna? Once saved, we enter an unknown life to us, where God asks us to use our faith to move forward instead of our reason. And when results seem to be slow, it is natural to have the desire to go back to what is familiar to us.
That is also what the disciples of Jesus did after his death. “Simon Peter, Thomas called the Twin, Nathanael of Cana in Galilee, the sons of Zebedee, and two others of His disciples were together. Simon Peter said to them, “I am going fishing.” They said to him, “We are going with you also.” They went out and immediately got into the boat, and that night they caught nothing” (John 21:2-3 NKJV). Peter did not know what to do, and he was disappointed in himself for having betrayed Jesus. Even though the Lord had told him that he would be the “stone” on which the church would be built, he decided to return to his former job; what he did before he was called by Jesus.
There is nothing wrong with remembering things from the past. Like reminding ourselves of our mistakes (not to make them again), the promises we made to God, or remembering the blessings we have received. But when we look at our past with a desire to return to it, that is a problem. Paul was careful to keep his eyes on the future, even if the days to come didn’t seem certain. “Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead” (Philippians 3:13 NKJV). God wants to fill us with new wine, but for that we must be new wineskins, otherwise we will not be able to contain the new life that He has for us (Luke 5:37-38).
The same goes for our love life. Do not envy your old adventures or relationships; the ones you had before you gave your life to God. Indeed, a couple built on Christ is not like a relationship without Christ. Don’t make a comparison. Instead, keep your eyes on the final price, on eternal life, and stay in the faith. Even if you don’t understand what is happening right now, keep moving forward following the Word of God (Psalm 119:105), and He will lead you to the Promised Land. Because come to think of it, the past, it wasn’t that beautiful!
P.S. Sometimes we even envy the relationship we had with God in the past. Even though God encourages us to return to our first love (Revelation 2:4), that does not mean that we must resume our same spiritual routines. We might have looked more spiritual before, but maybe it was also just a lot of emotions. We’ve matured now and don’t cry as much on our knees. It does not mean that we are cold. It might just be time to find a new way to grow in our faith.