There are evenings when our soul is not at its best. Everyone around us seems happier than us and nothing seems to be working for us. So we start to lament. It’s a nasty spiral that gets us nowhere.
Night has fallen, it is cold and humid. We are alone at home and the silence is heavy. We had some trouble at work today and our mom sent us a message accusing us of not taking enough care of her. We don’t want to cook, but we are hungry; the news on television is disheartening, but we want to break the silence. And there our thoughts race: “I have too much debt… I’m ugly… I’ll never find a partner… no one loves me…” We’ve all been through times like this. After all, we are human.
Even after being delivered exceptionally, the children of Israel went through similar feelings. “And the children of Israel said to them, “Oh, that we had died by the hand of the Lord in the land of Egypt, when we sat by the pots of meat and when we ate bread to the full! For you have brought us out into this wilderness to kill this whole assembly with hunger” (Exodus 16:3 NKJV). And what about Job! “My soul loathes my life; I will give free course to my complaint, I will speak in the bitterness of my soul” (Job 10:1 NKJV).
We hardly speak of “self-pity” in our modern societies anymore. We will say that a person who experiences negative emotions is depressed **. Psychologists are very good at explaining this situation, and they help their patients to live in this condition. They suggest that they find little pleasures to make themselves smile again. But the Bible gives us another perspective on this situation.
Self-pity is a by-product of our flesh. We enter this state when our “self” takes over the throne of our life. We can have negative feelings and listening to them can show us the real problem to be faced. But often our flesh complains about a full stomach. Since we are children, our flesh asks only to meet its needs. And of course, we know it will never be satisfied. So taking care of our flesh, listening to it, is a losing battle. “For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace” (Romans 8:6 NKJV). It is not by giving our flesh what it asks for that we will feel fulfilled, for it is insatiable. It is not by having sex or masturbating that this desire will go away - on the contrary, this desire will only increase!
God’s solution is simple, but it is difficult and radical. “And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24 NKJV). To come out of self-pity, we must put God back on the throne of our heart; you have to get out of the equation and not give yourself so much importance. “For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith” (Romans 12:3 NKJV). It is also the solution to forgive: to give up giving yourself too much importance. And this without harming our self-esteem. Jesus commanded us to love others as ourselves (Matthew 22:39). We just have to be careful not to love ourselves more than we love others.
When we put the Spirit of God back on the throne of our heart, its fruit unfolds in us (Galatians 5:22-23), giving us joy (Philippians 4:4) and peace (Philippians 4:7) that is beyond circumstances. So when dark thoughts want to throw a party, talk to your soul. Order it to change its song, as David did. “Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him for the help of His countenance” (Psalm 42:5 NKJV).
**(Careful! We are not talking about depression here, which requires medical follow-up. If your negative feelings have been keeping you awake for a few weeks, and you are not able to do simple tasks, take a good time with God and let Him guide you to appropriate pastoral or medical care. Sometimes we need a little helping hand to find the right path.)