Which Single hasn’t heard this comment?! Words that often come from parents, who are anxious to see us married. How should we react to these irritating criticisms?
First, you have to hold back your anger. Even if your father repeats this to you every time your romantic relationships come up, it should not be received as persecution. “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5 ESV). If you love your dad and respect him, you need to keep in mind that he doesn’t want to hurt you. Even though he is awkward in his approach to the situation, his intentions are probably legitimate and even laudable. Your dad (or anyone else making this criticism) just wants to see you happily married, to see you enter a new chapter in your life. So the first thing to do when someone criticizes you is not to be irritable or resentful and be patient.
The second step is to be humble enough to listen to their arguments. If those around you tell you that you are too picky about choosing a partner, ask them why. If your loved ones suggest that you give up the idea of looking for a partner who shares the same faith as you, don’t give in. That is a non-negotiable criterion because the state of your soul depends on it. If someone suggests that you choose someone who is opposite to your values and interests, don’t give in either. You shouldn’t have to change your core personality just to be in a relationship. We all have two or three essential criteria to build a relationship on solid foundations.
But if your parents and friends say that you are too picky because you turn down a good candidate for other reasons, be humble enough to let them bring you back to reality.
Sometimes we can dwell on a detail that is not so essential. “Yes, this woman loves God and shares my interests, but she does not cook well.” “Yes, this man loves God and shares my interests, but he’s not very romantic.” If this potential person shares your faith and interests, ask yourself if you can live with their flaws, if you can find another way to compensate for their weaknesses. You won’t find a perfect person unless you decide to stay married to Jesus alone all your life.
Other single people reject a potential partner because they expect some kind of love at first sight, butterflies in their stomachs. They compare their feelings to what they see on TV or in the movies and believe their story is not valid because it is not as uplifting. “He is very kind, in love with God, and we have many things in common. He is my best friend, but he’s not my prince charming.” When the Bible speaks of marriage, it speaks of a union between two companions who choose to be best friends for life. Friendship is a much stronger foundation for a couple than passing sensations.
Other singles wait for a spectacular sign from heaven. “She loves God, shares my interests, and yes, I like her … but God has not given me a clear sign or a vision on the subject.” There is a real danger in hyperspiritualizing the whole process. Of course, God wants to be at the center of our decisions, but for that, He has given us clear precepts and a brain to follow them. We don’t need a sign in heaven to obey His voice. Do not use God to hide your fears!
In short, don’t get carried away when someone tells you that you are too picky. If they are wrong and your reasons are valid, be confident and be patient with them. But, in all humility, still take the time to assess the reasons they bring up. Because maybe they are not wrong and you are closer to marriage than you think!