The traditions passed down from our families are sometimes quite beautiful and help us to respect our elders. But sometimes these traditions can prevent us from doing God’s work and can even prevent us from getting married!
Jesus respected many customs while on earth. Not only was He raised in the Jewish tradition, but He has, at times, respected some traditions of His time. For example, He went to the temple on the Sabbath days (Mark 1:21), and He went to Jerusalem to celebrate the Passover (John 2:13), to name just a few traditions. But it is also clear from reading the Gospels that Jesus never put traditions ahead of His calling. He was ready to sacrifice traditions to please God. There are many examples of this: He healed a person on a Sabbath (Mark 3:1-5), He allowed His disciples to eat without purifying themselves (Matthew 15:2), He refused to stone an adulterous woman (John 8:3-10), etc. For Christ, traditions can be beautiful or have good intentions, but if it prevents us from following God, it is in vain. “Why do Your disciples transgress the tradition of the elders? For they do not wash their hands when they eat bread.” He answered and said to them, “Why do you also transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition?” (Matthew 15:2-3 NKJV).
Nowadays, our different cultures adopt all kinds of traditions and customs. And although most of these practices are noble, if they prevent us from following God’s call for our lives, then we should refrain from doing them, even if it may anger our families. Even at Christmas, we should always consult God first, to ask where He wants us to be on December 25th. Who knows, maybe this year God would prefer you to be in a homeless shelter, distributing food. Since we have given our lives to God, we must also consult Him before undertaking any kind of activity, even if these activities are linked to our traditions.
There are also cultural traditions that can prevent us from meeting a partner after God’s heart. Some parents who are very attached to their non-Christian religion could make a big deal out of you choosing to marry a Christian. But some customs can make you less “attractive” to other singles. For example, a single woman who decides to take care of her elderly parents, or one of her disabled siblings. It’s a beautiful tradition, very commendable, but it will make it harder for her to find a mate. This man will not only have to love her family, but he will have to be ready to live with her parents or her disabled siblings! Sometimes that is too much of a demand for a suitor. That doesn’t mean she won’t have any suitors, but the chances of a match will be greatly reduced for her. In addition, she will be significantly less available to do activities that would allow her to meet someone. Caring for our elderly parents is a Bible recommendation, but sometimes it is possible to take care of them with the help of specialized services. Jesus never said to sacrifice our own life to take care of our parents. We must always be ready to follow God in our calling, and therefore nothing should tie us to this world, not even our parents. “He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me” (Matthew 10:37 NKJV). That does not necessarily mean to abandon them, but perhaps to find another way to care for them that does not prevent us from entering into our calling.
Another custom worth mentioning here: financial investments in the family. Here’s a real story: A young, single man lived with his mother, and she decided to buy a house. With her salary alone, she couldn’t pay the mortgage, so she bought the house counting on the young man’s salary. Not wanting to lose her home, the mother did everything to break any relationships her son could develop to make sure he didn’t leave the house! Unfortunately, this is not an isolated case! It is very kind to help your parents financially, but first, you should ask God if it is His will to make such a commitment. Your finances belong to Him! “For the children ought not to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children” (2 Corinthians 12:14b NKJV).
Honoring our parents is making sure they’re okay, but that isn’t necessarily 100% your job. Some parents may even develop a co-dependency on their adult children and they will not let them find a partner or enter their calling. They won’t want them to find a partner, they need them too much! This relationship is not healthy, not worthy of the freedom that Christ paid for us. Our life does not belong to our parents, when we reach adulthood, it belongs to God. We should not abandon our family and our traditions, but we should always consult God to know what actions are necessary.