“Oh! His words are outrageous! His inaction hurts me!” Some people are sensitive and react strongly to all kinds of interactions. But beware, the feeling of being offended can hide pride.

We can all feel this poignant feeling deep within our being. Someone says an unpleasant word to us, and we are shocked and offended. Or, a coworker steals our idea in a business meeting or doesn’t give us the help we need when we’re in a bad position. This feeling of incomprehension, disappointment, and frustration, is a human reaction. In fact, as soon as someone thinks differently from us; when a person does not move in a direction that is obvious to us, we can be offended. Modern psychology confirms that we tend to associate with people who share our way of thinking. As soon as they depart from this, then we feel offended.

If this reaction is indeed human, should we keep this feeling when we are Christians? On the contrary, several verses encourage us to let go of this feeling as soon as it arises. “You know this, my beloved brothers and sisters. Now everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger” (Proverbs 19:11 NASB). What we have to realize is that behind the feeling of being offended lies the desire to preserve our image, our way of thinking, our ego. And all of this is pride. Our self-esteem should be built on what God says about us. Our line of thinking should be based on what the Word of God says. And so, what the world says about us shouldn’t move or offend us if we know who we are in God’s sight. “You shall not take vengeance, nor hold any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself; I am the Lord” (Leviticus 19:18 NASB). Jesus even speaks of “turning up our other cheek” (Luke 6:29), when we are slapped on one side. We should not try to preserve who we are, or defend ourselves. We must know our position in God and let Him defend us. We must learn to forgive quickly and move on (Matthew 10:14). Being offended is a choice, and it is certainly not what God wants for us (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

When we are easily offended, it is much more difficult to make new friendships or enter into a new romantic relationship. People will always be afraid to speak to you, fearing to offend you. No one likes to walk on eggshells, and since we are not perfect we know very well that new acquaintances will say things that are not totally in our line of thought. We have to respect the opinions of others and even be open-minded enough to consider the opinions of others and accept our mistakes if necessary. We all have different views on relationships. If a woman expects the man to open the car door for her as a sign of chivalry, and he does not, she might be offended. However, this gesture might be something the man was told not to do in the past. He can have a good heart without having the reflex to do this. We may be surprised and even offended at a gesture, but being offended until the other person apologizes and changes is not okay. Too many good relationships are broken by an offended attitude when good communication and a gracious mind could cover up the gaps (Proverbs 12:16). To be offended is to cling to our way of thinking. It is a proud, self-centered attitude that breaks all relationships.

Now, our Christian standards will offend unconverted people or even religious people who have lost the grace of God. Jesus himself offended many (Matthew 15:12). The Word of God should come constantly to provoke us to give up our bad habits (2 Corinthians 7:10). Of course, we should not stay offended but be quick to repent when we are faced with God’s truth. To be offended is therefore a very natural carnal reaction, but a child of God should not stay offended. If any words offend you, compare them to the Word of God. If they are true, repent. If the Word of God contradicts them, shake off those words and keep your thoughts on what God is saying. If your friend or partner does something offensive to you, discuss it with them gracefully. Then seek to come to an understanding (James 1:19). But under all circumstances, refuse to stay offended.