It is one of the first sentences that a child formulates. “Me able”, a toddler will say, rebuffing their parent’s help with dressing, eating, or bathing. Even adults, we too often keep this annoying attitude.
Who has not tried to cut their hair, thinking: “Bah! Surely it’s not that hard!” Or who hasn’t decided to make some renovations in their home without asking for help. “How hard could it be? I can do that!” Or why pay a photographer? “I’ll use my phone!” While most of us don’t dare to touch the electrical circuits within our walls, there are other areas where we believe we are capable. And most of the time, the results of our inexperience are obvious! The hair is shorter on one side of our head, the walls are full of holes, and the pictures are too dark. We look at a task at hand, we greatly underestimate our abilities and knowledge, and the results are mediocre.
Unfortunately, this is also often the case with relationships. Young people do not think of asking for advice, even when it is their first experience. They sometimes ask their friends questions, but the latter is not always very wise in this area. They are sometimes hesitant to ask their parents or other older adults for advice because they don’t want to be told what to do. They believe they have figured out what not to do by looking at the mistakes of their peers and parents. And that this information is enough to get by. In love, after all, they follow their heart… which is a very bad idea! The Bible teaches young people to listen to the advice of older people: we only have to read Proverbs to realize this! “Listen, my son, to your father’s instruction and do not forsake your mother’s teaching” (Proverbs 1:8 NIV).
But it’s not just young people who think they’re wise. Older singles too! Especially those who have experienced a love failure! We might believe that after having experienced a painful breakup, these singles will seek to follow the instructions dictated by God in their next relationships. Sadly few singles seek God’s direction in their quests for a partner. Many older Christians do not believe that biblical precepts also apply to them. However, it is at any age that God asks us to follow Him. “Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight” (Isaiah 5:21 NIV).
Our big problem, whether we are young or old, is that we want to do our own thing. We don’t want to be told what to do. We want to do what feels good to us. Yet we should consider the stories in the Bible. It is when God’s people had this attitude, that their nation was turned upside down (Judges 17:6 and Judges 21:25). Proverbs tells us the key to true wisdom. “Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil” (Proverbs 3:7 NIV). We should always be ready to be corrected in our conduct (Proverbs 12:1), ready to be told what to do (and what “not” to do!). All the actions we take in our relationships should be done considering God’s eyes on us. Does what we do please God? Do our choices honor God’s vision for romantic relationships?
We all need the wisdom of God. Let’s stop believing that we don’t need advice or direction. “Wisdom’s instruction is to fear the Lord, and humility comes before honor” (Proverbs 15:33 NIV). Do we want our next relationship to be glorious? So let’s stop doing “what seems good to us” and instead follow the biblical precepts.