How many times have you come to a conclusion about a situation, or worse, about a person, without even asking a few questions to see if your assumptions were valid? We have all made this mistake. It’s time to put a stop to that.

Imagine that you are invited to a potluck meal, and at the dessert table, there are three offers. You have industrial cookies sold at low prices, a handmade apple pie, and a sumptuous cake finely prepared by a pastry shop. Seeing the cookies, you might think: “Ah, this person certainly does not like desserts to bring that”, or even “This person must be poor or stingy”. Or maybe you will think positively: “Finally someone who will not judge me if I succumb to these little cookies!” Next comes the hand-made pie. You might think, “This person is trying to brag about being a good cook” or “I bet this is a vegan product”. Or if you have a positive attitude, maybe you’ll think, “Oh, someone who can cook! Nice, we can cook together!” And finally, in front of the sophisticated cake, perhaps you will think: “This person is rich and does not hide it” or even “He is certainly a picky person”. Or on the contrary, you may think that this person is generous and wanted to offer nothing less than excellence.

All these thoughts are only presumptions. Until we ask questions of the person who brought the dessert, we cannot trust our thoughts. Too often we conclude without knowing anything about the person in front of us. A single woman tells us that she is divorced, and we think that she is a difficult woman to live with, that she has a bad temper and, did not know how to take care of her house. How many people turned away from her without even asking about her story? Or this man in his 40s has never been married. “Ah, he must be a womanizer, or he must have a problem with commitment, or he must have some kind of disability…” How many people would rather not open their hearts to this man based only on assumptions, without asking questions about his story? How many singles snubbed another single and concluded “He or she is not my type”? And this, without even having taken the time to discuss it with the person in question. What a pity!

It’s so easy to ask questions. “And I tell you: Ask and you will receive. Seek and you will find. Knock and the door will be opened to you” (Luke 11:9 CEB). We are sometimes afraid to speak to a person of the opposite sex in church, fearing what others will think of us if we do this. Yet we are brothers and sisters, there should be no intellectual barriers between us. We’re not talking about flirting with everyone here, just being comfortable chatting with everyone. How many beautiful relationships could we develop if we only took the time to ask questions?

And we also do this with God! Faced with a need, we assume that God will not want to meet it, so we do not ask Him. Or we even forget that He is interested in accompanying us, and we go about our lives as we see fit. Even though God knows our needs, He wants to hear us tell Him about them. “Don’t be anxious about anything; rather, bring up all of your requests to God in your prayers and petitions, along with giving thanks” (Philippians 4:6 CEB). As the verse says, it is when we discuss our needs with God that we can be freed from worry. God can sometimes meet our needs in an extraordinary way or only teach us how to meet them ourselves. “Every scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for showing mistakes, for correcting, and for training character” (2 Timothy 3:16 CEB).

Sometimes God will use other people to guide us. Asking questions to learn, and asking for advice, is a very wise habit. Following our heart, or our thoughts, is not a good idea. “Doom to those who consider themselves wise, who think of themselves as clever” (Isaiah 5:21 CEB). We must learn to retain our thoughts and stop assuming without having the right information. And to get the wisdom to come to sound conclusions, we have to open our mouths and ask. Let’s get into the habit of asking questions today.

(This article is the summary of the “Demandez” conference presented in Gatineau on Saturday, June 17, 2023.)