When I got rejected, I questioned every detail, which only led to more pain. But I’ve learned there are better ways to deal with rejection.
As usual I drove to church alone. But this Sunday I was visiting a friend’s church. When I walked in, I saw a girl near my age standing in the lobby. I thought, I bet she’s meeting a friend as well, but it’s a probably her boyfriend. Girls that pretty aren’t single. I didn’t meet her that day, but I eventually I did at another social gathering. We shared a perfect, short conversation that left me wanting more. Leaving that night, I had one thing on my mind — getting to know this girl.
I found her on social media, I asked for her number, and I asked her if she wanted to play Frisbee golf with some friends. She politely refused, explaining she had plans to hang out with a friend later that night. I soon tried again, inviting her to something else. Again, a polite refusal. The very next day, she sent the text — the “just friends” text. She thanked me for the invites and for being straightforward, then politely said she wasn’t interested in pursuing anything with me other than a friendship.
Talk about rejection, regardless of the respect and kindness. But I’ve learned four steps to reduce the pain that rejection brings.
Tell someone
When you’re in the midst of the “what happened” and “what if” thoughts, wondering where you went wrong, sit down with someone close to you and explain all the details. Not just your side, but the story in its entirety. Our personal perspective often has a victim mentality, so bringing in an outside perspective can help provide clarity and new insight.Evaluate and learn
The past is not a pretty place to live. After laying it out in front of a friend, it’s time to learn from the past. Sometimes failure is the best teacher. Discuss what went right and what went wrong. If there was something that you did do poorly, learn from it and act differently next time. But also keep in mind that it might be that the other person just wasn’t interested.Battle Satan’s lies
Being rejected can put you flat on your back, and Satan will use any moment of weakness to get us to agree with his lies. He whispers, “You aren’t good enough — how could anyone love you? You will never find love.” Battle these lies with God’s truth.Move on
This is the hardest part. Often, whether reciprocated or not, infatuation sets in and wrecks everything. Infatuation can leave us dreaming of metal rings, last name changes and future houses. When that wave crashes, you must surround yourself with good friends who will lift you back to your feet through encouragement. Don’t isolate yourself — it’ll only leave you alone with your thoughts of self-doubt.
(This is a short version of the article “4 Steps to Reduce the Pain of Rejection” by John Begeman, published on the Boundless website. To read the full article, please click here.)