The woman is discouraged. The man she is dating seems to put his best friend before her. However, the man says he is really in love with her. Should she give him an ultimatum: “Me or your friend?”
Believe it or not, there is a strong bond between two male friends. We sometimes use the expression “bromance”, a particular affection between two men that is not sexual. They are just the two best friends in the world. When one of the two men falls in love with a woman, he engages in a complicated juggling of relationships. The woman does not always understand this special bond and thinks that if her man is actually in love with her, he would prioritize his romantic relationship over his friendship. But this is not always the case. If the man seems to spend more time with his friend than with her, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love her.
It is a question of loyalty. For example: in war movies, you often see a soldier running back into the thick of the action to pick up his friend, saying “No man left behind”. Something like that goes on in a man’s head. If he finds a wonderful woman, he wants to spend time with her but doesn’t want to abandon his friend either. He doesn’t want him to be alone and can’t imagine leaving his friend behind. Women need to understand this feeling of loyalty because this attachment does not mean that he is not in love, it means that together they will need to learn to manage relationships in a way that is not always easy.
If two male friends have gone through difficult times together, have been there for each other, and have been friends for a long time, it will be almost impossible for the man to choose to break this friendship to be in a relationship. A woman who meets a man with a friendship like that must understand that the man she is going to marry is coming with a friend. It’s a package deal. It’s kind of like when we say you are not just marrying one person, but you are marrying their entire family. The best friend comes with the man. You will have to learn to make room for him in your schedule and not feel threatened because of this friend.
Another thing to think about is what will make a man in this situation the happiest, is having two best friends. Yes, it is more complicated, but a woman in this situation will get a preview of the loyalty and commitment she will receive by seeing how devoted the man is to his friend.
At the same time, the man must also realize that his romantic relationship must be a priority. He must learn to give the best to his future wife and to be sensitive when she needs his exclusive attention. It’s possible to maintain a friendship while building a romantic relationship, but it’s going to take a lot of communication and compromise.
By the way, this “best friend” could also be a dog. You can’t ask a man to dump his dog for a romantic relationship, especially if the dog has been a great source of help and emotional support during difficult times. It could also be a brother or a parent. A good example of this type of deep friendship is David and Jonathan (1 Samuel 18 and 1 Samuel 20). No woman could have said to David: “Choose between me or Jonathan”. If you choose to marry David, you have to understand that Jonathan is going to be there, and you shouldn’t see that as a threat.
Friendships between women aren’t always so powerful. On the other hand, there is a bond that can never be broken between a woman and her children. A man could not ask a woman to choose between him or her children. The man must realize that if he wants a relationship with this woman, she comes with her children. It’s the same for the “bromance”.