Hope for when you feel left behind

When circumstances seem to indicate we’ve stalled, we can trust that God is still at work transforming us into the image of His Son.

People who are great at other things (making the grade, excelling in the workplace, managing their finances) may feel stuck when it comes to finding a mate. Getting married seems to be trickier than ever, and many times we feel helpless to bring it about. We could talk all day about the need for singles to live intentionally, pray for a spouse, say “yes” to dates, improve their physical appearances, and a myriad of other self-improvements. However, I know many Christian singles who would get an A+ in all these areas and yet remain unwed. I remember feeling this way. While some areas of my life flourished, I remained “stuck” when it came to getting married and starting a family. Here are a few principles that helped keep me moving forward:

Don’t compare.

I have learned that every person’s story has peaks and valleys. Whether single or married, your situation is in constant motion and can change in an instant. Though I once felt “left behind,” I’m grateful that God has blessed me with a strong marriage that has endured for more than a decade. I have learned that the timetable on which you get married does not dictate the quality of that marriage.

Be intentional where I have control.

Although I sometimes felt stalled as a single, I came to realize there were many areas where I could choose to grow. I could choose to push my introverted self into social settings to make new friends. I could choose to initiate friendly conversation with single men I met. I could choose to invest in my physical health and self-presentation. Though my relationship status stayed the same, I discovered other ways to ward off stagnation in my life. I could change up my routine. I could learn something new. I had opportunities to develop unexpected friendships, travel, serve at church and grow in my profession. As I intentionally pursued “new” things, I felt less stuck.

Where I don’t have control, trust God.

This is the difficult one, particularly if you’ve felt stuck for a while. While I could easily go out and buy a new car, I realized I couldn’t just go to the “husband store” and pick up a spouse. I had to wait on the Lord for the person He would provide. The exciting thing about walking with the Lord is that He is constantly making things new. While I may buy into the illusion of being “left behind” as others hit milestones I desire, when I follow Jesus, I’m never truly stuck. 2 Corinthians 3:18 (ESV) says, “And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.”

When circumstances seem to indicate we’ve stalled, we can trust that God is still at work transforming us into the image of His Son. During my single years, I came to know the Lord more intimately than any other period of my life. I was forced to depend on His plan for me and surrender my own expectations to Him. Even when I felt left behind, I could see He was transforming me and allowing new things to spring up in my life. My story looked different from that of my peers, but I was still making progress, still moving forward with the Lord by my side.