Inevitably, since I talk about so many topics revolving around “how to find the one,” I often get comments such as, “You should not look for the one. Just live your life and let the person come to you naturally” Statements like this have some truth in them. However, this oversimplification can get you into a lot of confusing passivity.
Yes, it’s true that we must wait on God. Yes, it’s true that God is sovereign and is able to produce his will for your future marriage. And, yes, we must be careful we don’t start chasing a person who’s not the one and, in the process, walk out of God’s will for our lives. But the solution to these problems is not to give an over simplistic and unhelpful Christian-ish answer like, “Don’t look for the one. Just let them come to you naturally.” To help us answer this difficult question about waiting on God for the one and doing your part to find the one, here are 4 biblical pointers to consider.
1: To Approach Relationships Biblically, You Cannot Approach Them Formulaically
The Bible is all about having a relationship with God. Relationships are not formulaic. Therefore, contrary to popular slogans, the Bible is not our textbook, our roadmap, or our spiritual encyclopedia organized in alphabetical order. Rather, God teaches us spiritual truths and principles in the midst of messy stories recorded in Scripture.
Therefore, you know you are off track when it comes to relationships when you make a rigid rule that is not in Scripture, like, “Don’t look for the one. Just wait for them to come to you naturally.” There are rigid rules in the Bible (like the 10 commandments). Obey those as written in the Bible. But behind even these rules, there is a posture and principle that must be applied beyond the mere obedience to the letter of the law (Matthew 15:8-9). Seek to walk with God in a real relationship. He will teach you to apply his biblical principles in the proper way that best suits your individual variables.
2: To Be a Bible Believing Christian, You Must Be Biblically Consistent in All Parts of Your Life
If you asked the average Christian a question like, “I’m unemployed. What does God want me to do?”, normally you would get a well-balanced answer that involves spiritual advice and practical advice. If you need a job, we all know you should pray and ask God. But we also all know you need to apply for jobs, network, and get the proper training. And yet, many of these same Christians give completely different advice when it comes to singles who want to be married. To them, they give answers like, “Just focus on God. It will happen in his timing.” Do you see the issue here? It’s completely inconsistent!
I believe waiting and walking in faith is the biblical approach. There will be a time for waiting, but then there will be a time for doing (Ecclesiastes 3:1). To think it will always be one or the other is an immature application of Scripture.
3: To Apply the Bible Properly, You Must Treat Others How You Want to Be Treated
A huge principle in Scripture is this idea of treating others how you want to be treated (Matthew 7:12). Here again we can see how the advice of “Just let the one find you” is a bad application of Scripture. Why should the one be required to come into your life while you just wait? Why isn’t your future spouse allowed to just wait while you come into their life? If both the man and woman believe they should “just wait” for God to bring the one into their life, how will that work exactly? Won’t they both just be waiting?
Yes, wait on God; but waiting on God does not mean “don’t do anything but wait.” It means you trust him to produce the results he wants while you follow him actively in your life.
4: To Obey God, You Must Follow His Leading and Accept Real Consequences for Good and Bad Choices
If you don’t actively follow the Lord, you can’t just say, “Well, I guess it wasn’t God’s will.” That’s a misapplication of the theological truths about God’s sovereignty. Yes, God will produce what he wants through our actions. He has the final say on the outcomes (Proverbs 16:33). But he also chooses to use our efforts to bring about the outcomes he desires. God answered Naomi’s request through Naomi’s and Ruth’s actions (Ruth 1:9, and Ruth 3:1-2).
So should you look for the one or should you just wait for God to bring this person into your life? You should do what God is telling you to do. To receive God’s best, you have to do what God says to you.
(Originally published on the Apply God’s Word website in English as: What Does the Bible Say About “Looking for The One” Versus “Waiting for The One”? by Mark Ballenger. Translated and published with permission.)