How do I know if we should get married?

My friend had been dating his girlfriend for six months and didn’t know if he should start planning a proposal. I know others who have faced similar situations, so I asked my married friends how they knew it was time to propose. Here are their answers.

1 . Friendship
The most common answer I heard from couples was that they married a friend, someone they enjoyed spending time with and with whom communication came easily. A few even ended up dating and marrying someone who started off as just a good friend.

Of her relationship with her husband, my friend Bethany says, “I felt like it was easy to be myself. Like really me.” A strong friendship can be a good indicator of marital success.

2 . Compatible goals
In a partnership like marriage, it’s important to be able to pursue dreams and callings together. In Genesis 2:18-22, God gives Adam a wife as a “helper fit for him.” The first man and woman helped each other work toward God’s purpose for them in the garden. Of her relationship with her husband, my friend Glory says, “We felt like we could grow together, and we felt like we could be partners and supporters, in chasing after our dreams.”

And sanctification is a primary goal Christians should share. My friend Teri says, “Marry someone who makes you better than you are, someone who challenges you to be like Christ. A good marriage is not about finding the right person. It’s about being the right person.” As we change and grow over time, a marriage focused on God can sustain the relationship through trials and hard times.

3 . What you’re looking for
A really good catch may not make a really good match. It’s good to know what you are looking for in a relationship. My friend David points out that discerning the right person to marry “requires knowing and discerning yourself.”

Making a list of what you want in a spouse can help you see how someone measures up when other signs aren’t as conclusive. Bethany said she made a list of her non-negotiables early on and checked her suitors against it. When her husband came along, he embodied many things on her list, giving her assurance that he was a good fit.

4 . Character under pressure
We are all flawed. My friend Julie says some advice from her grandma was a game-changer for her: “They will all drive you crazy!” she said. “You just have to pick the person who annoys you the least.” Realizing that no one is perfect (and your future spouse will annoy you at times), choose someone whose good character shines under pressure.

As you face adversity or conflict together, note how your boyfriend or girlfriend responds. Bethany says that in her marriage, “we love well and fight well. We respect each other even when we are mad.” That respect can be seen before you ever tie the knot.

5 . The Secret to a Lasting Marriage
A few nights ago, I was at a woman’s 50th birthday party. I talked to a couple, probably both around 60, that were flirting and laughing and stealing kisses from each other. I was afraid to even ask, because I so rarely see long-term marriages like that, but I finally did. “How long have you been together?”

“Thirty-seven years,” they replied. I asked what their secret was. The wife leaned way close to me and almost whispered, “I know this will sound corny, but the key is having God at the center of the relationship.”

I can’t give my friend a definitive answer about whether or not he should marry his girlfriend. Each of us has to choose for ourselves. But considering if your significant other fits the criteria above is a good place to start.