Divorce: law and grace
Some Christians are single because they never married or their partner died. But others are because they divorced. Are they different from other singles? Yes and no… it’s not an easy question.
Before we talk about divorce, let’s talk about marriage (because that comes before the other, right?). According to God’s plan, marriage is a commitment between a man and a woman to spend their lives as each other’s companions. From God’s point of view this commitment cannot be canceled. If one partner dies, yes, the other is free to remarry, but in God’s original plan, marriage is for life and cannot be undone.
Then came sin and many problems related to the flesh. When adultery entered God’s people, the first sentence was death (Leviticus 20:10). But after a while, spiritual authorities proposed divorce, and although there is no indication that God approved of this solution, He did not condemn it (Deuteronomy 24:1-4). Jesus later said that this was not God’s original plan, but that it came into being because of the hardness of man’s heart (Matthew 19:8). When Jesus took His stand on this point, He was talking about married Jews. Until the cross, God only cared about the commitment of His people, the Jews. Since they offered their vows before their God, no human could break those vows. No human legal justice system had any say in this matter (Matthew 19:6).
But after the cross, when everyone could become a child of God, a different situation emerged. Some people were saved as married people, which meant they were now believers married to an unbeliever. Their vows were not made before God but before the legal system or other traditional channels. The apostle Paul faced these new facts and made strong recommendations in 1 Corinthians 7.
The saved partner should not seek divorce (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). When we are Christians, we should not need human resources to make peace. We are called to be peacemakers and to forgive wrongs done to us.
In the same passage, the apostle clarifies that the unsaved partner is permitted to seek divorce, regardless of the reason (1 Corinthians 7:15).
So there is a right way to divorce and a wrong way. For a Christian couple, who have made their vows before God, divorce is permissible in cases of adultery or other sexual sins. For a couple where one is Christian and the other is not, only the one who is not saved can file for divorce (except in cases of adultery, where both have this right). These are the acceptable reasons for a divorce. In our modern churches, out of concern for the protection of life, abuse is also considered a legitimate reason for requesting a divorce. All other reasons are not Godly reasons for divorce.
According to this rule, only when a divorce is done for a proper reason is there a possibility of remarriage. Otherwise, remarriage is considered adultery. What happens when you don’t know all this and get divorced for the wrong reasons? What should you do now?
If you are both Christian and single, try to make peace and seek help to repair your marriage and get back together.
If your ex-partner is not Christian and is still single, try again to work things out. If the other partner refuses to do it, you are free to marry someone else (a Christian this time!).
If your ex-partner has remarried (Christian or not), you are also free to remarry.
Let’s end this topic on an important point: God forgives. Divorce is not an unforgivable sin. If you haven’t done things right and you can’t do anything about it, get down on your knees, sincerely ask for forgiveness, firmly decide that you will live by God’s standards from now on, and move on. Divorce always brings hurt, and God loves you too much to let you hurt yourself, which is why He made these rules. Protect your life and your heart by choosing to follow His ways now.